I'M FEELING GRUMPY. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING BUT THROW A TANTRUM. HAVE A TANTRUM? I DON'T KNOW. I'M FEELING CRABBY.
YESTERDAY I WENT TO SARATOGA LIBRARY FROM CAMPBELL LIBRARY FOR TWO DVDS I WANTED AND PARKED IN 5 MINUTE ZONE AND DIDN'T THINK TWICE. NO ANXIETY, OBSESSING. AND I GOT LOST AND DIDN'T CARE. NO SELF- CONDEMNATION. IS THAT NORMAL? I'M AFRAID OF GOING FROM NEUROTIC TO PSYCHOTIC.
AND I'M INTERNALLY REBELLING OVER BEING RESPONSIBLE AND PAYING BILLS. I HAVE TO FIND A REWARD (CARROT) OR I'LL SELF SABOTAGE: THAT'S BEING CARELESS, MISPLACING, LOSING/FORGETTING TO PAY BILLS, ACCIDENTALLY DUMPING BOOK, PLIERS, NAIL CLIPPERS IN TRASH, BRUISING MYSELF, ETC.
MAKES ME FEEL LESS ATTACHED TO THINGS STOLEN FROM ME. AND THE GYM ROLLER SUITCASE I FORGOT ON THE SIDEWALK.
I'M FORGIVING MYSELF.
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