ANTICIPATION

I FEEL DIFFERENT, CAN'T REMEMBER FEELING THIS B4.  MY BODY FEELS DIFFERENT.  I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GOOD OR BAD. 

I SEEM TO HAVE BENEFITED FROM TAKING SATURDAY AND YESTERDAY OFF.  MY BODY IS MORE RELAXED.  I FEEL MORE NATURALLY TIRED.

I'M STILL TIRED FROM ST J SENIOR LUNCH SUNDAY.  I WENT EARLY TO READ MY PAPER.  IT WAS TOO RAINY AND THE STORE WAS CLOSED.  I WENT IN AND TALKED TO ELLA MAE, SHE'S DELUSIONAL.  SUCH A VAMPIRE.  SHE MADE UP A STORY ABOUT SUGAR FREE JELLO I TOLD HER SHE COULD EAT.  WE'VE NEVER HAD SUGAR FREE JELLO AT LUNCH, THEY'RE TOO CHEAP.  SHE SAID SHE TALKED TO WALTER AFTER HIS DAD DIED AND YET SHE KNOWS NOTHING.  HOW CAN THAT BE, SHE WAS PUMPING ME FOR DETAILS.

PEOPLE WHO LIE TO OTHERS END UP LYING TO THEMSELVES AND LIVE THE CONSEQUENCES.  THEIR SELF PUNISHMENT.  MY MOM, DAD, EX.  ALL DEAD.

I AM WILLING TO LEAVE SELF PROTECTING DENIAL BEHIND TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE.  I'VE OVER LOOKED PEOPLES' SHORT COMINGS AND MADE EXCUSES FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SAD TO ACCEPT THEY'D DO THAT TO THEMSELVES.  I'M WILLING TO LET THEM GO.

 EVEN RESTING YESTERDAY I'M STILL FEELING TIRED.