mom was ashamed her mom divorced and emigrated for a better life. very brave. 3 month ocean voyage as steerage. like cattle. steer. she shamed me for being a baby and loved diminishing me by recounting stories of me as a baby. how i was retarded because i was late (2) walking and talking. i had aunts, uncles, cousins who loved carrying me everywhere. i was timid. i was insulated by my loved ones 'til we moved here at 4. then starting school i tested gifted 146. maybe to balance my autism or because of for survival.
i won't qualify fcc program stipend. next year gross 32 k. Cathy left message did i follow up. i do still want to call Josepha for therapy help. lord knows i need help. i still have to restrain myself from messing with the rain gutter. i'm so used to fixing things on my own that hurts my back. all those years of damaging my back starting with taking care of the parents. cleaning the gutters in the rain, clearing the weeds, hauling 4 buckets of fruit a day to the senior center for years to ungrateful complaining people just like my family.
ok i get it. the rain gutter is a not doing lesson. do not.
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