no no no no no

 i've been having flashbacks from 2.   terrifying to a two year old.  everything is 2.  nightmares cringing crying i feel terrible horrible.  i'm screaming inside.  my body aches.  i don't know if i was beaten or i watched a beating.  the same effect on the spirit.   i feel like something terrible is about to happen.  doom doom doom.  dread filled.

i don't want to do anything.  keep still, the monsters go away.  shh....  my stomach is churning.  i'm afraid to exist.  my back is throbbing.    

my toddler hell colored my entire life so far.  "this far and no farther."  

i looked for friday freebies early and bought pork and picked up lucky's free '3 bridges' omelet before 9 am.  i anticipated they'd be gone soon.  i picked up senior lunch and weekend sandwiches.  1 pm i had one tooth crowned not 2.  neck and back immobilized too long.  weird my temple and left scapula sharp pains.  tooth 13 hurt after.  perfect getting to cooling 2;15 i still had to move barrier not pinching my finger.  why they can't do it i don't know.  4 bottles water.  6 pm 88 o starting to cool.

my free $5 safe way sushi and bottle water from college safe way.  yum..  fried onion cal roll and inari, 1 burrito, pbj tortilla for dessert.  i considered  what i wanted over being sensible.