sleepless

so i'm watching split second from the start.  hurrah!!  i know i'll be fine.  i just did too much.  my back feels fine.  just a little too energized.  the delicious potato and corn chips.

reminded me when i got divorced i couldn't sleep either.  i felt like a big loser from my family programming.  and i survived and was stronger for it.  maybe.  and i survived my family.  as long as i get enough rest now.  my body needs relaxation to allow my mind to sleep.  classical stretch is perfect for now. 

i'm planning my schedule for my physical on friday.  success is just showing up.  i feel so tired and depressed over feeling so tired.  i'm so tired of feeling tired.

i went to dollar store for mouthwash feeling nauseated.  i drank some 04 and felt better.  when the flip clerk asked me if i wanted 25 cent clearance i found 8 plastics.  i arrived seniors 9;35 #2 and read rainbow book.  i hid in books my entire childhood vacationing from the animal pack.  tolkien gave me hope that better finer people existed.  hobbit and lord of the rings teach good will always triumph over evil because there are more good people than evil and evil ultimately consumes itself. 

so i muddled through high school and mr rhodes my school counselor sent out my college applications.  my parents were so resentful i knew i'd have to manage paying my own way.  i was accepted by all of the colleges being in the top 10% and sophomore spanish club historian, junior class vice president and senior class treasurer.  and being asian female fit the quota.  being free of my tormentors i didn't need to hide in my books.  what i didn't know was that predators could smell my scarred and bloodied spirit. 

so like jonathon livingston seagull i'm looking for my flock.