Sunday, November 27, 2011

Growing up is painfilled

Is pain a required condition??  I used to feel sorry for babies.  Growing hurts.  I think even plants feel pain and pleasure.  Is it possible to grow only towards the pleasure?  Life is avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.

The only problem would be no one would want to leave the pleasure planet.

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of curiosity and memory around me.  I remember all sorts of facts and figures others forget.  There's so much I want to forget and I can't.  I think we come here to test and expand out limits.  If not, limits would be the same for everyone but they are not. 

That's why most people are limited.  They live with and within agreed upon conditions.  That's why I don't fit.  I can't not see the elephant in the living room or that the emperor is naked and has no new clothes.  If I could I would.  It actually causes me physical pain to try to accept a lie.  I think it's simply a condition of aspergers.  MY LIMIT!!

It hurts to be alone.  Our bodies and spirits are wired for the herd.  Grex.  The security of the herd keeps fear at bay.   People who live in horrible company are just afraid of being alone.  Silent Unity is the only place with the only people capable of unconditionally supporting me in prayer.  No egos involved. 

My depression is warranted.  If I weren't depressed I be schizoid.  I have valid reasons for feeling depressed.  I have a shitty family.  I had a shitty childhood. 

I can have a Happy second childhood.  I can work if I want.  I can do what I want when I want.  I can have wonderful friends.

Each new accurate realization I make is painful and releases a feeling of expanded freedom. 
I find this a fascinating planet.