I'M GLAD

I CAN'T AND DON'T WANT TO IMAGINE THE FUTURE.  I FEEL SORRY FOR THE KIDS THAT HAVE SUCH A CHAOTIC, COMPLICATED WORLD. 

WHEN I THINK OF MY CHILDHOOD WITH ORCHARDS, PEACE AND CALM DESPITE THE FALLOUT DRILLS AND THREAT OF NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE.  I HAD FIELDS TO PLAY IN, NO TRAFFIC.

SOMETIMES PROGRESS ISN'T PROGRESS.

THERE ARE AMAZING TECH IMPROVEMENTS IN LIVING.  IS THE PRICE WORTH IT?

 

HEALING CONNECTION

USED TO HAVE BREAKFAST MEETINGS TUESDAY MORNINGS AT HOBEES RESTAURANT; TOWN AND COUNTRY, SAN JOSE, EONS AGO.

THOMAS HANNA SOMATICS
NATURAL MENOPAUSE
COURSE IN MIRACLES

I LEARNED SO MUCH.

YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE DR CHUNG AND HE GAVE ME MAMMOGRAM, BLOOD WORK, PT, HOMEWORK.

I'M FEELING TIRED AND DEPRESSED FROM THE BACK PAIN, LEG MUSCLE THROBBING.

I'VE BEEN WORSE, I'M GETTING BETTER.  I MUST REMEMBER.

EH

HERE WE ARE AGAIN.  CAN'T SLEEP.  BACK HURTING PINCHED NERVE.  I'LL SURVIVE.  BEEN HERE B4.

10PM-BETTER AFTER MUCH STRETCHING.  REMEMBERING HOW BAD IT WAS I CAN SEE HOW MUCH I'VE IMPROVED.  I'M STILL ABLE TO DRIVE ALTHOUGH IT'S VERY PAINFUL.  AND I'M NOT BED RIDDEN AGAIN.

AND I THOUGHT TO CHECK LIBRARY CATALOG SINCE I CAN'T WALK MUCH.  MANY, MANY NEW BOOKS FOR ME.  TYGJ.

LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING.

mom's deathiversary in two weeks.  no wonder my back is rebelling, remembering.

TORO NAGASHI

WHILE RESEARCHING ANIME I CAME ACROSS THE RITUAL WE FLEW TO HAWAII TO PERFORM FOR DAD IN JULY 2000.  I'VE BEEN SO SAD.  THIS WEEK I'VE BEEN UP AND DOWN EMOTIONALLY.

MY LADIES ARE MAKING ME HAPPY WITH LOVE, RESPECT AND INCLUSION.  MY FAMILY ALWAYS TREATED ME AS THE OUTSIDER, REJECTING ME.  THE CONTRAST IS PAINFUL.  NO WONDER SO MANY PEOPLE REFUSE TO CHANGE.

I'M UNDERGOING METAMORPHOSIS.

IT'S TOUGH BEING UNLOVED

IT'S TOUGH FEELING UNLOVED.  NO SELF ESTEEM.  NO MOTIVATION.  DEPRESSION.  KNOWING GOD LOVES ME KEEPS ME MOVING AHEAD.

I'M ADJUSTING AND ADAPTING TO NEVER BEING LOVED.  I'M FEELING SAD.  I'VE NEVER KNOWN HOW TO ACCEPT LOVE.  MY LADIES LOVE ME, THEY LOVE EVERYONE.  NOT IN AN UNCONDITIONAL WAY.  THEY WISELY KNOW HOW TO LIMIT THEIR INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE AND SET LIMITS OF BEHAVIOR.  I CAN LEARN.

AUDREY ANN IS SO INCREDIBLY ALONE.  AS AM I.  SHE COMES TO ME FOR ADVICE AND LISTENS AND USES WHAT I SAY.  I TOLD HER WHEN PEOPLE ARE MEAN TO HER TO PRAY FOR THEM.  IT RELEASES HER FROM THEIR CRUELTY.  SHE CAN GO ON TO BE HAPPY.  IT WORKS FOR ME.

excellent

DDOS

DISTRIBUTED DENIAL OF SERVICE=HACKERS

ON JEOPARDY AN ANSWER TO MY DENIAL OF EMAIL ACCESS.

going sane

I TRIED SIGNING IN AT SRS AND COULDN'T DO IT AGAIN.  I'M FEELING PARANOID.  I CHECKED THE SECURITY AND OAKLAND AND LOS GATOS CAME UP SIGNED IN.  I SIGNED OUT ON 25 CITES.  I'LL HAVE TO SIGN OUT EVERY TIME.

SOMEHOW I LOST THE MONOPOLY TAGS ROSE MARIE GAVE ME TODAY.  AND OVER THE WEEKEND THE TV GUIDE  I MUST BE MORE EXHAUSTED THAN I KNOW. 

T CALLED W/MONOPOLY TICKETS  I'LL GET THEM TOMORROW.  I TOLD HIM OF THE EMAIL BLOCK AND HE ASKED IF I BUY ONLINE.  NEVER.  GOOD REASON NEVER TO BUY ONLINE.

I SET OUT ALL BINS AND BROUGHT THEM IN.  I'M GETTING BETTER.

changes

I DON'T LIKE IT.  BASED ON HISTORY IT'S BETTER AND I RESIST.  I AWOKE TO A DREAM OF A IN THE GARAGE GOING THROUGH THE BOXES OF FABRIC.

IN REALITY SHE WENT THROUGH THE ENTIRE HOUSE, TOOK EVERYTHING SHE COULD TURN INTO CASH, MOM'S AND MINE, AND STUCK WHAT SHE DIDN'T WANT FROM HER HOUSE AND HERE IN THE GARAGE.  I FEEL SAD.  I DON'T KNOW FROM WHAT.  IT'S BEEN THE SAME SINCE MOM DIED IN 2001.  I'M  STILL FEELING SAD.

THE SADNESS HAS BEEN BUILDING ALL WEEK.  THE NEW TV SEASON.  THE GUIDE CHANNEL IS NOW A RELIGIOUS 24 HR.  INGA IS BACK THANK GOODNESS.  SHE'S THE BACKBONE OF THE GROUP.  HER QUIET STEADY PRESENCE.  AND MARIA A SAT AT OUR TABLE.  I SIT IN MARIA O'S SPOT, I JUST NOW REALIZED.

I JUST REMEMBERED WHEEL.  AND I REMEMBERED THE ANSWER OF THE BONUS FROM LAST NIGHT.  I'M RECONNECTING SYNAPSES.

SO COMFORTABLE

TOO COMFORTABLE?  I ALMOST FORGOT TO PAY DISCOVER AND I DID FORGET PGE.   PGE AND COMCAST HAVE NO LATE FEES. 

SO I GUESS IT'S OK.  I PRIDE MYSELF ON TIMELINESS.  DANGER SUSAN.  PRIDE GOES BEFORE THE FALL.

I FEEL LIKE CRYING.

GAMES

BUZZR TV HAS SOME GAMES I LIKE TO TUNE MY BRAIN.  NOW YOU SEE IT, BLOCKBUSTERS, SALE OF THE CENTURY, SUPERMARKET SWEEP.

EVERYTHING IS FALLING INTO PLACE FOR MY PERSONAL HEAVEN.  I'M ENJOYING MORE OF THE THINGS I LIKE.  THE THINGS I BUY FOR OTHERS I'M USING. 

I'M USING THE GROCERIES I BOUGHT. 

I DIDN'T FLINCH

SUNDAY WAS JINNY'S 94TH B'DAY.  SHE TOLD ME LAST WEEK AND I FORGOT, SHE REMINDED ME AGAIN TODAY AT LUNCH.  THEY ARE SO FORGIVING AND ACCEPTING.

MOZQUITO MAN WAS BUZZING IN MY EAR WHILE I WAS PUZZLING SO I GOT UP TO GO EXERCISE AND HE ASKED ME WHY I WAS LEAVING SO I TOLD HIM.  HE WAS UPSET.  DON'T ASK IF YOU DON'T WANT MY TRUTH.  I THINK I SHOCKED MY LADIES.  HE PUSHED THE PUZZLE TABLE AGAINST THE WINDOW, TURNED HIS BACK TO THE ROOM AND STARTED ANOTHER PUZZLE.  I TOLD KIMO UP IN THE COMPUTER ROOM SO HE WOULDN'T BE SHOCKED.

INGA WAS BACK.  SHE LOOKED TIRED UNTIL LUNCH.  FOOD WAS GROSS.  YESTERDAY AND TODAY.  I STILL TOOK TWO MEATBALLS.

I WAS HOME 12;40.

PSYCHIC BLESSINGS

I'VE AVOIDED TWO HEAD ON CAR COLLISIONS.  THAT SMALL STILL VOICE.

I'VE HAD DREAMS THAT I ENCOUNTERED IN REALITY.  DREAMS LEADING ME TO HAPPINESS.

I'VE LIVED INTUITIVELY.  BEING LOGICAL LED ME TO A HORRIBLE LIFE.  MY CHILDHOOD PROGRAMMED ME TO TAKE CARE OF HORRIBLE, SELFISH PEOPLE.  I COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO CONTINUE A SAD LIFE OBSERVING PEOPLE SELF-DESTRUCT BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T WILLING TO CHANGE.  THAT WAS MY FORM OF SELF DESTRUCTION.

I DECIDED I'D HAD ENOUGH.  I CHOSE TO CREATE A DIFFERENT LIFE.  IT'S NEW AND  SCARY ONLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE WITH HAPPINESS.  AND TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION UNTIL PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION REMOVED THE WALLS OF MY PAST LIVES.  WHY WOULD GOD HAVE US LIVE IN THE THIRD GRADE OVER AND OVER?  OUR FREE WILL DEMANDED REINCARNATION.  SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IN FOR IT TO WORK.

I WANNA DANCE

I'M FEELING ACTIVE.

STARTING WITH THE PIZZA

I'M CELEBRATING BEING ME.  I'VE BEEN COMING HOME EARLY PLANNING ON MAKING THIS MY HOME.  I'VE NEVER HAD A HAVEN=HEAVEN.  I'M EATING POTATOES, SALAD, GOOD STUFF AND DESSERT.  CANDIES, FRUIT, WHATEVER I WANT.  YESTERDAY I ATE TWO DRUMSTICK ICE CREAM CONES. 

I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING STOLEN IN A WHILE.  HURRAY!!

THE SUGAR MAKES ME SO ITCHY.  I COULD MOVE AROUND MORE.  DANCE.  JUST ACT GOOFY MY FAVORITE.  BURN OFF THE EXCESS.

Thanks

Thanks  I just found the setting for the auto keyboard.  Fun!  I have to be in a good way I don't know if all the books have the option.

I'M DONE.  IT'S TOO ARBITRARY.  I MAY LEARN IT LATER.

I WENT TO G2 WITHOUT CBS SUNDAY MORNING. THEY CHANGED THE TIME TO 7 AM.  SO AT 6 I WAS ON MY WAY.  I FORGOT MY PHONE/FREE COUPONS AT HOME.  I HAD MY OTHER GIFT CARD.  I TRIED TO BUY CLEARANCE THAT THE PRICE WAS ALL MESSED UP.  I PASSED.  I BOUGHT PIZZA INSTEAD.  SHE GAVE ME 6 TICKETS.

THE QUIET MAN

ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES. 

FINALLY

THIS IS MAYBE THE THIRD TIME AUNTY HAS ASKED ABOUT DAD'S ASHES AT THE BUDDHIST TEMPLE SO I'M SENDING HER PICTURES SINCE SHE SEEMS TO HAVE THROWN AWAY MY LETTERS. 

YESTERDAY I WENT TO TD TO GET COPIES BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.  AFTER I GAVE HIM PHOTO PAPER.  D'S USING IT.  HE SCANNED THEM AND SENT THEM TO MY EMAIL.  THEY LOOK SO GOOD ONLINE.

8 AM-I WENT TO WALGREEN'S AND IT TOOK HALF AN HOUR.  THE DEDICATED COPIER HAS BEEN REPLACED.  I HAD TO WAIT 'TIL THEY COPIED THEM.  NOT GREAT.  GLOSSY PAPER FINISH REFLECTS TOO MUCH UNDER THE SCANNER AND MAKES IT LOOK FUZZY.

HAVING THE CHROME BOOK MADE ONLINE EASIER BUT I SPENT SO MUCH TIME LOOKING ONLINE.  BECAUSE IT WAS SO EASY.  NO MOTIVATION TO DO MORE.

THIS CHROME BOOK HAS A WEIRD TOUCHY SEPARATE KEYBOARD THAT KEEPS POPPING UP.  DIFFERENT FROM ANY I'VE BORROWED B4.  OH, I PICKED IT UP THIS AFTERNOON.

AUNTY

SENT ME 13 MONOPOLY TICKETS.  I KNOW I WROTE ABOUT DAD'S ASHES BUT SHE DOESN'T RECALL.  I'LL SEND HER SOME PICTURES AFTER I GET THEM COPIED.  SOME OF THE PICTURES ARE SPRING 1998 IN HAWAII.  ON THE BACK IT SAYS THEY WERE DEVELOPED MAY.  JUNE I BOUGHT THE TIMESHARE, AUGUST HE FRACTURED HIS SPINE AND SEPT 1999 HE DIED WITH A'S HELP. 

HE DETERIORATED FAST WITH HIS STUBBORN ATTITUDE.

OH, WELL.

THE PICTURE WE TOOK HIS ASHES IS 11-13-99.  A YEAR AND 8 MONTHS SHE WAS DEAD WITH A'S HELP.

I SURE HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM AGAIN.