PTS

THE AFTER EFFECTS OF STAR IS BORN SUICIDE STARTED ME OBSESSING WHETHER MY GRANDFATHER USED A BELT OR ROPE TO HANG HIMSELF.  AND ALL THE SADNESS OF MOM TAKING DAD'S PILLS,

I WONDER IF MY ARTHRITIS IS LINKED TO THE SADNESS.  MY HANDS, LEGS, EVERYTHING HURTS.

I FORGOT TO TURN IN MY MENU AND GEORGIA/VALERIE REMINDED ME.  AS ALWAYS I'M CARED FOR BY OTHERS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY.

3 IDENTICAL STRANGERS

I WATCHED IT YESTERDAY.  THE NAZI JEWISH PSYCHIATRIST KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS WRONG.  WOULDN'T ANSWER QUESTIONS, SEALED THE RESULTS UNTIL 2066 AT YALE.  WHEN EVERY ONE WOULD BE DEAD.  ONE OF THE TRIPLETS SHOT AMD KILLED HIMSELF.  HE WASN'T THE ONLY SUICIDE FROM THE PROGRAM.  THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY BABIES WERE INVOLVED.

WHY WOULD ANY ONE DO THIS?  HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY A JEWISH DOCTOR EXPERIMENTING ON JEWISH BABIES.  BABIES.  JEWISH-THE CHOSEN PEOPLE.

HE CHOSE TO BE A MONSTER.  HE MUST HAVE HAD FEELINGS OR HE WOULDN'T HAVE SHAMEFULLY HIDDEN THE INFORMATION.  HE HAD NO RESPECT FOR THE INDIVIDUALS HE INVOLVED.  HE KEPT SECRET THE TRUTH.  THAT'S THE LEAST HE OWES THEM, THE TRUTH TO SET THEM FREE.  THEY CAN'T HEAL FROM WOUNDS THEY CAN'T ACKNOWLEDGE.

dad and aileen

THAT FEAR IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH IS HATRED FROM THE TWO.

MY FEELINGS FOR THEM ARE SO CONFLICTED.  SHE'S SUCH A LIAR AND I STILL PITY AND LOVE HER.  WE SHARE THE SAME DNA, THE SAME DAMAGING HISTORY.

I'M TRYING TO RESOLVE MY FEELINGS.

TOMAS IS MOM'S REFLECTION.

sleeping like a baby

I'M WAKING UP AT ALL HOURS.  I'VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE 2:30.  I HAD CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS AT 5.  HEY, I WAS HUNGRY.

I'M LITERALLY RE-RAISING MYSELF.  I HAD THE LEFTOVER SALAD.  I TOOK IT OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND LET IT COME TO ROOM TEMPERATURE.  I WANTED CHILI SPAGHETTI, MADE IT AND HAD THAT LATER.  I STARTED ORGANIZING THE PANTRY.

I WATCHED A STAR IS BORN.  IT'S OK.  LADY GAGA HAS A GOOD VOICE BRADLEY COOPER WAS GOOD AND DIRECTED.  HE HANGS HIMSELF LIKE MY GRANDDAD.  LIKE EDDIE HUANG'S GRANDDAD.

1:30 pm TOMAS CALLED TO THANK ME FOR THE SUMIYA GIFT CERTIFICATE.  HE SAID DEANNA MADE HIM.  HOW CHILDISH IS THAT.

MORE FUN

I WANT MORE FUN.  I PUZZLED AND HAD A NICE LUNCH.  THE BROCCOLI CHEESE BAKE WAS LIKE CREAM TUNA WITHOUT THE TUNA.  I HAD THE SANTA FE CHICKEN SALAD.  I NEED THE PROTEIN.

I BROUGHT HOME EXTRA SALAD AND PASTA FOR DINNER.  I WAS YEARNING FOR CREAM TUNA.  I ADDED TUNA TO THE SALAD.  YUM.  THERE'S SO MUCH BELL PEPPER MY FEET ARE SCREAMING.  OH, WELL.

AFTER MISSION LIBRARY WHERE I RETURNED THE CHROME AND REQUESTED ONE FROM CENTRAL I WENT TO CAMPBELL.  I CHECKED THE $TORE AND AT SAFEWAY REDEEMED THE LIQUID PLUMBER COUPON.  THEN TO DELLA AND TOMAS' TO DROP OFF THE $50 SUMIYA GIFT CERTIFICATE.  DONE.  I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GIVE IT TO HIM SINCE LAST SUMMER. 

AT SARATOGA LUCKY'S I FOUND CRYSTALLIZED HONEY, TWO POUNDS OF HARICOT VERT, 10 WHOLE KERNEL CORN AND STILL HAVE $1.11 REWARDS LEFT.  I WENT TO CENTRAL, PICKED UP THIS SMALLER, LIGHTER CHROME.  FOUND TWO PENNIES, 2 TP'S.  CAME HOME, TRIMMED THE ARTICHOKE. 

I FEEL LIKE WORK, WORK, WORK.  AT LEAST COOL KIDS IS BACK ON TV.

I FORGOT

I LEFT DVD BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AT HOME.  I'LL GO TO CAMPBELL LIBRARY TOMORROW.  I CONSIDERED TAKING THE DAY OFF FROM EXERCISE BUT I FELT TOO STIFF.  SO AFTER LUNCH I PADDLED AROUND THE POOL.  I FOUND A TIMEX WATCH.  I'M NOT THE ONLY FOR GETTER. 

I WORE SHOE GOO SLIPPER BOOTS.  I FIXED THEM YEARS AGO.  I WORE THEM IN THE YARD BECAUSE THEY'RE LIGHT AND COMFORTABLE.

I WANTED THE P F CHANG CHICKEN BUT I GUESS I ALREADY ATE THEM.  I MADE THE FISH FILLETS FOR DINNER.  AM I HAVING ENOUGH FUN?

I DID IT ALL

I EXERCISED, WASHED MY HAIR, MADE SURE RUTH GOT BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AND ABOUT TIME FROM THE BOOK MOBILE, DID MY INTERVIEW WITH KIER THE SC COLLEGE STUDENT, HAD LUNCH, GAVE GERDA THE ONION SOUP MIX, PAID DISCOVER BY PHONE AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE FLUFFING THE WASH AT SCOTT LAUNDRY.  I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING IT TOMORROW AND REMEMBERED IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN LATE TONIGHT.  I WANTED TO GIVE MY HAIR TIME TO DRY. 

(KIER ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD.  HE ASKED WHO MY HERO IS.  I DON'T KNOW.  I TOLD HIM IF I THINK OF SOMEONE I'D CALL.)

IDEA!  LOOK ONLINE FOR A NEW LAUNDRY.  I TRIED THE CHROME AND COULDN'T GET CONNECTED SO I WENT UPSTAIRS TO THE COMPUTER ROOM AND PLAYED WORD FINDER AND FOUND A LAUNDROMAT ON LAFAYETTE HALF MILE.  I MISSED THE DRIVEWAY AND WENT AROUND THE BLOCK.  4 PM IT WAS ALMOST EMPTY.  BIG PARKING LOT.  NICE  LIGHT AND AIRY.  LOTS OF CARTS.  I FLUFFED AND FOLDED.  NICE CLEAN.  SINGLE WASH IS $2 BUT DOUBLE LOAD IS ONLY $2.50.  AND THEY OPEN 6:30 AM.  4 X IS $4.50, I CAN WASH MY BLANKETS THERE.

 CAME HOME, ATE LEFT OVERS, PUT AWAY LAUNDRY.  I LOVE CLEAN CLOTHES.

I'M BACK

I TOOK PRES. DAY OFF TOO.  SUNDAY I DID MY REGULAR ROUTINE SINCE IT WAS ST J LUNCH.  MONDAY I CONSIDERED GOING TO SAVER'S, $AN JOSE, .99 $TORE AND IT JUST WASN'T WORTH THE EFFORT.  I FOUND MORE GLUCOSAMINE WHERE I PUT IT.  I ALWAYS THINK I'LL REMEMBER AND YET I FORGET AND LOOK ALL OVER FOR IT.

OH, WELL.  TODAY I FORGOT THE CHROME CHARGER.  I TOPPED UP MY PHONE.  PAID CON CELL AND PGE.   TOMORROW DISCOVER.

GOOD GIRL, NOW I WANT TO PLAY WORD SEARCH.

ABOUT TIME WITH BILL NIGHY POSITS BEING ABLE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND FIX MISTAKES LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY. 

DOG DAYS

YESTERDAY WAS ST JUSTIN LUNCH AND SOMEHOW I MISSED FREE PACIFIC COAST 12 CT K-CUP AT LUCKY'S.  RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS DAY.  I JUST SAW IT AMONG THE E-MAILS.  IT WASN'T THERE OR I DIDN'T CHECK BUT I WAS PLAYING WORD SEARCH MOST OF THE DAY.  I DON'T KNOW.  MAYBE IT DIDN'T LOAD.  I DO HAVE A LOT I HAVEN'T USED.

I WATCHED DOG DAYS.  FORMULAIC BUT THE ACTING WAS GOOD.  I ENJOYED IT.  HOW PEOPLE CONNECT THROUGH DOG OWNERSHIP.

CONNECTIONS.

AAHHHH.....

LOVELY TO LIE IN BED.  TODAY WAS ST JUSTIN'S SENIOR LUNCH.  MEATLOAF, WEDGE FRIES, SALAD,KING'S HAWAII ROLL AND BUTTER, ICE CREAM SANDWICH. 

I DID MY EXERCISE AND SHOPPING.  CONSIDERED SKIPPING BINGO AND GOING TO SAVER'S PRESIDENT DAY SALE BUT MY FEET HURT FROM EATING CANDY LAST NIGHT.  AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GO.  I NEED GLUCOSAMINE, LIGHTS, BEETS.  THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT. 

EH.  I'LL CHECK SAN JOSE $TORE FIRST.  I LOOKED $UNNYVALE. 

I'M HAPPILY TIRED. 

my hips

are so sore.  i guess it's better.

I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME.  I TOASTED YESTERDAY'S SANDWICH.  I ATE SOME CORN CHIPS LIKE I GAVE MY LADIES.  I HAVE PICKLES AND I'M PLAYING MINUTE WORD SEARCH TO MY HEART'S CONTENT.

AFTER A LIFETIME OF ABUSE.  SO AMAZING.

MY LEGS WERE FEELING TENSE SO I DID SOME SQUATS AND BIKED AND I FEEL GREAT.

i ate chips

so sleepy

I TRIED STAYING UP TO WATCH THURSDAY COMEDIES AND JUST COULDN'T.  I TRIED WATCHING ORVILLE (OH, I JUST GOT IT WAS NAMED AFTER ORVILLE WRIGHT) BORING.  I WANT TO LAUGH AND IT WASN'T HAPPENING.

MAYBE THE CANDY.  THERE WAS A LOT.  VALENTINES WAS GOOD .

I ACCIDENTALLY FLASHED EVERYONE BENDING OVER TO GET ART A PLASTIC BAG FOR LEFT OVERS.  RED VELVET JUMPER RIDES UP IN BACK.  THE FRONT POCKETS WEIGH IT DOWN.  I WONDER HOW MANY TIMES NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.  MAURICE CAME OVER TO MY CART TO TELL ME THEY COULD SEE MY UNDIES AND I SAID I WAS GLAD I WAS WEARING THEM.  WE ALL LAUGHED.  I'M GLAD MY FAMILY SHAMED THE EMBARRASSMENT OUT OF ME.  BARE ASS.

VERY OWWIE

I WOKE AT 4 WITH MY BACK AND STOMACH SCREAMING AT ME FOR EATING 3 SLICES OF FRUIT CAKE LAST NIGHT WHILE CUTTING IT UP.  IT WAS GOOD THOUGH.  VERY YEASTY BREAD.

I STRETCHED AND RESTED, MADE PLAIN OATMEAL WITH CHERRIES, ALMONDS AND MY STOMACH WAS BETTER.  DROVE TO SENIORS BETWEEN DELUGES, THE PUZZLE WAS DONE SO I WENT AND SWAM EARLIER TO WAIT FOR BOOK MOBILE.

KATHLEEN BROUGHT CARDS AND CALENDARS, SHOPPING BAGS, I GOT TWO.  AND STICKERS.

MY TAILBONE IS ON FIRE.  MY RIGHT TOE CLICKED FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.  MY BUNIONS ARE ON THE RUN.

MONOPOLY GAME

VERY SLIM THIS YEAR.  I STARTED SUNDAY, ENTERED CODES TODAY.  WAY MORE COMPLICATED, FEWER FREEBIES.

I GUESS ROSE IS BACK PERMANENTLY.  SHE WAS AT LUNCH TODAY TOO.  SHE'S SO CRITICAL AND CONSTANT.  MEAN.  NO WONDER HER DAUGHTER HAS CANCER.  I READ WHATEVER I HAVE TO STAY OUT OF IT.  INGE SAVED ME TODAY'S NEWSPAPER.  AND GERDA IS THE MOST AWARE BUT WON'T ACT ON IT.  NO WONDER MARIA OLVERA DIED OF HEART FAILURE.  SHE LOVED AND GOT ZERO BACK.  ENERGY HAS TO CIRCULATE.

TERRIBLE TWO

MY INNER CHILD DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.  GROWING PAINS AGAIN.  MY STOMACH, HIPS.

YESTERDAY I BOUGHT CLEARANCE WHOLE CRAB AT MARIA SAFEWAY AND SPENT AN HOUR CLEANING IT STANDING AT THE SINK.  YUCK.  THAT'S WHY LUMP CRAB IS SO EXPENSIVE.  I ATE A LITTLE AND MY FEET SCREAMED.  I WANTED A CRAB SALAD.  NO WAY, I FROZE IT.  I HAD SOME CANNED CHICK WILD RICE SOUP,  PRETEND KRAB DOESN'T HURT MY FEET.  I GOT 3 CRAB CAKES I'LL BAKE TODAY.

I WENT TO  L X LUCKY'S FOR 3 X POINTS.  THEY DIDN'T HAVE MINI STRAWBERRY CREAM PIE SO I WENT TO SARATOGA LUCKY'S.  I ASKED BAKER ABOUT WHETHER REAL  CREAM BUT HE WAS WRONG.  YUM, BUT NOT REAL CREAM.  THEY DIDN'T HAVE CHOCOLATE CUP CAKES.  I DECIDED NOT TO GO BACK TO LAWRENCE EXPRESSWAY WITH A LOT. 

REBELLION

I COULDN'T SLEEP, ASKED MYSELF WHY AND FOUND I WAS LATE PAYING CITY UTILITIES.  IT WAS DUE THE 8TH.  I PAID 11:30 PM BUT IT SAID THE 10TH.  IS IT ON DIFFERENT TIME ZONE?

IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING.  I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.  WHAT DO I WANT?

CUM DUBITO DESISTO

WATCHING TEA WITH THE DAMES WHEN ASKED TO ADVISE THEIR YOUNGER SELVES "WHEN IN DOUBT DON'T", MAGGIE SMITH.

MY SABBATH.  I REFLECTED ON MY LIFE.  I HAVE TO FIND MORE THINGS I WANT TO DO.  MY TWO YEAR OLD TODDLER MUST HAVE MORE FUN.

TIRED AND HAPPY

I HAVE A NEW PAIR OF CZ POST EARRINGS.  $2.18.  925 SILVER.  I'M HAPPY.  IT'S RAINING.  I'M SNUG.  IT'S COLD AND I'M WARM.

TYGJ.

options

DOING WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IS HEAVEN. 

THE CAR WAS ICED OVER THIS MORNING @ 8 A M AND I FORGOT ALL ABOUT TRYING THE SPATULA TO DE ICE.  TOMORROW.  THE SECOND RANGE OF MOUNTAINS IS COVERED IN SNOW LIKE COLORADO OR WYOMING.

I WENT TO WALGREEN'S FOR SMOKES.

I FORGOT TO DROP OFF ALL IS WELL AT THE BOOK MOBILE AND LIBRARY AND I'M OK.  I DECIDED I DON'T HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY THIS WEEK.  I'VE ALREADY DONE A LOT INCLUDING ST J. 

I'M GETTING MY HEART'S DESIRE.

CAROLE ALLEN

SHOWED UP AT LUNCH ON STANDBY BUT COULDN'T GET IN.  SHE BOUGHT A SANDWICH AT THE SNACK BAR BUT LUNCH CAROL WAS PETTY AND SAID SHE COULDN'T BRING IN OUTSIDE FOOD.  THE FLIPS DO IT EVERY DAY.  SHE SAYS NOTHING TO THEM.

MY LADIES WANTED ME TO ASK HER ABOUT ASSISTING ROSE MARIE.  SHE ISN'T DOING ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW.  SHE'S STILL WAITING FOR GENE'S ESTATE TO SETTLE LIVING IN GILROY.  SO I TOLD HER ABOUT ROSE MARIE AT ATRIUM BUT SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CAR.  I THINK ROSE MARIE STILL HAS HER CAR BUT CAN'T DRIVE. 

CAROLE ASKED ABOUT ELLA MAY.  I TOLD HER SHE COMES IN 2-3 TIMES A WEEK.  SHE THINKS ELLA MAY HAS DEMENTIA BUT I THINK ELLA MAE ACTS FOR SYMPATHY. 

6:30 a m I GOT GAS AND TURNED IN RECYCLES AND OFFERED INGE $10 FOR HER BOTTLES BUT SHE DECLINED. 

I STOPPED AT ST J-ZERO WITH MORE NEWSPAPER. 

HOME BY 2.  TIDIED AND RELAXED.

TYGJ.

NEW MOON NEW ME

I WOKE AT 6 AND GOT TO SENIORS BY 7:45.  IT RAINED ALMOST ALL DAY.  I WORE MY HAT, BIG BOOTS AND STAYED WARM AND DRY.

I WENT TO ST J TO LOOK AROUND AND FOUND AN OFFICIAL STAMPED BEATRIX POTTER-Y PLANTER WITH A PETER RABBIT HANDLE.  IT'S BEAUTIFUL.  I PUT MY FAVORITE PENS ETC IN IT.  I TIDIED UP AROUND MY CHAIR.  I'M TOSSING THE SPOILED MILK A PINT A DAY.  LITTLE BY LITTLE I'M CLEARING OUT THE FRIDGE AND FREEZER.

I TURNED IN AXL DVD AND PICKED UP TIME MACHINE AND TALL TALES DVDS.

WHAT A GOOD GIRL AM I.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

I'M SO GLAD.  TRAFFIC IS LIGHT AND IT'S ESPECIALLY GOOD  BECAUSE OF THE INTERMITTENT RAIN.  I'M TIRED AND IN BED. 

I WENT TO EXERCISE AND MY SIX STORES SHOPPING.  TWO SAFEWAYS, TWO LUCKY'S, $UNNVALE, CVS.  I DID A LOT OF WALKING.

groundhog day

10:30-3:30-7  started my day perfectly.  i made cream of wheat/milk.  started on 4th and last power beet jar.  sorted supplements for the week, oatmeal, what a good girl am i.

I FINISHED WATCHING AXL AND FORGOT TO WATCH GROUNDHOG DAY.  I HAD A GREAT DAY PLAYING WORD FIND ON PCH.

VERY SATISFYING DAY

THE CHILD WITHIN IS THE IMAGINATIVE CREATOR.  IT'S THE PART OF US THAT LEARNS.  THAT'S WHY ELLISON AND MUSK GO OFF THE DEEP END.  THE CHILDISH PART GETS OUT OF CONTROL.

WHEN THE INNER CHILD IS HAPPY EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I WATCHED DATELINE BTK SERIAL KILLER DENNIS RADER SEEN THROUGH THE EYES AND EXPERIENCE OF HIS DAUGHTER TERRI.  I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HER DISAPPOINTMENT, GRIEF, SADNESS AND SENSE OF BETRAYAL.  SHE'S FIGHTING FOR HER SANITY AND HAPPINESS.  LIKE I'VE HAD TO DO.

AILEEN MANIPULATED AND MANAGED MOM AND DAD.  SHE BELIEVED ACTING EVIL MADE HER SPECIAL.  SHE BELIEVES SHE'S SMART AND CAN AVOID THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER BEHAVIOR. 

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO UNDO PHYSICS, SUSPENDING GRAVITY OR AGING.