Monday, April 23, 2012

Change, I'd rather have big money

The format for blogging is much more complicated.  As I'm simplifying my life. 

I don't know.  Hmmm, Mom used to say that a lot. 

The check engine light came on again as I was parking at the Sr. Ctr. last Fri.  I felt moderate anxiety and called Eric's shop at nine and his cell at 11.  Made an appt for 1:30 and waited until 2:40.  Drove the six miles back to the Ctr. and called his cell again.  He was getting gas and would be at the shop in ten minutes. Said he was on road call.  He was on the phone when I got there, paying bills.  Took him half an hour.  He hadn't done anything for two months.  Said he'd been sick.  He checked the light; the cat converter.  Advised waiting to replace it until smogging car in July.  I'll do it in June.

The miraculous thing was I wasn't the least bit angry or feeling dissed or anxious.  I was concerned he was alright.  And relieved he was OK.  Then when I asked to talk with him he remembered a service call to a friend of a friend, maybe.

I'll just keep praying for him.  And telling Frank to help him.  Maybe I should ask nicely. 

Saturday's scrapbooking class was remarkable.  It covered 20-30 yrs.old.  I was conscious of having chosen  X as the sum total of my family members.  The first time I admitted I chose him.  I unconsciously have chosen all my relationships not in an attempt to heal my wounds but to maintain the status quo.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday a.m. I dreamed of Angela Coron.  Her extending love to me terrified me.  I'm afraid of being hurt any more.  I can't take being disappointed any more.  I'm still looking for the perfect love. Even tho I slept 7 hrs I felt exhausted.  8:30 I went to Savemart for groceries and Sunday paper and went back to bed by 11am.  Slept for 1 1/2 hrs.  I actually fell asleep reading.  Never did that  b4 in my life.

I chose people I knew would abuse me so I wouldn't feel disappointed.   I'm afraid of my life getting better.

Josie criticized Tomas because she was jealous...  And she's gone and Tomas took me to see Three Stooges Movie on Thurs.  He insisted.  Drove all the heaven over the place to amuse me.  He does and says stupid things to make people laugh.  I enjoyed the heck out of it.  I must keep reminding myself he's just trying to be funny.

I have a "mole"?? growing in my ear.  Reminds me of the dark ones I had on my face that erupted and bled while trying to take care of the terrible twins(mom and dad).  I used cod liver oil and they went away.  Left ear, listening to the past.  Hearing the past.  It's like the white ones on my legs except big and rough.  Size of a pencil in two days.  Guess I'll call and meet Dr. Krieg at Kaiser.  Kaiser sent me a terrible letter saying my payment was late, threatening to cancel me.  Die, Die!!  Oh, well,  save me $829.44/month.

There's always some good in everything.

5/23/12 update-fixed o2 sensor and made plans w/e and he postponed twice.  Oh well.  Car running great and thinking of calling him for memorial day, mon/28 to see avengers in imax.

I think the ear thing was the residue from the spider bite and bad vibes from the browns in 1969.  And all the criticisms and backstabbing the chicken table spews every ever lovin' day.  I don't know how they tolerate themselves.  I guess habit.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Kind of having a lot of fun playing with the colors and patterns and behavior of this blog program.