Friday, August 18, 2017

PREDATORvPREY

IT SEEMS THE NATURAL SYSTEM.  ALTHOUGH MORE PEOPLE SEEM TO BE WAKING UP.

THERE'S TO BE A NEW PROGRAM OF AN AUTISTIC DOCTOR THIS SEASON.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

OWWY

I'M STILL DOING THE BEST I CAN.  I'VE BEEN SO TIRED AND SLEEPY.  LISA ASKED IF I'M CRANKY TOO AND I'M TOO TIRED.

TODAY SAVER'S HAS T-SHIRTS $1.  I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

HOOKY

I FORGOT DW FOR 3 DAYS.  MY SPIRITUAL VITAMINS.  I'M BACK ON TRACK TODAY WITH PRAY FOR OTHERS. 

YESTERDAY I SPENT ( COIN ) TIME WITH GARY TERPENING.  HE WANTED TO BOTHER ME.  MY CHOICE.   HE WARNED ME SITTING DOWN.  HIS EXACT WORDS.  I BELIEVE HE MAY SINCERELY WANT TO BE HAPPY.  THE PLANET NEEDS ALL THE GOOD VIBES IT CAN GENERATE.

I KEPT INSISTING HE SHUT OFF HIS TAPE.  FUNNY HOW PEOPLE GO INTO AUTOMATIC SO EASILY.  HABIT?

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

TANTRUMS

THE IC SABOTAGES WHEN UNHAPPY. 

I WANT TO KEEP MY IC HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE AND HEALTHY.

I GET TO THE COMPUTER ROOM AND I COULD LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND NAP.

I HAD MY SNACK, LEFTOVER CASSEROLE FROM LUNCH.  MY JUICE. 

I CHOSE NO SAVERS OR ST. J.  I READ WHILE SNACKING AND I STILL WANT SOMETHING.  WHAT??

Thursday, August 10, 2017

1961

I'M BACK AT 1160 LAWRENCE STA. RD.  THE COLD TWO STORY HAUNTED HOUSE ON 1/4 ACRE.  THE BEGINNING OF THE DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY.

THAT'S WHEN DAD FREAKED AND SCREWED THE FAMILY.


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

OH WHAT TO DO

I DON'T KNOW.  THE GOOD PART IS I DON'T HAVE TO.

I went to spts b4, srs, mlib, st j, mlib, and home.



Tuesday, August 8, 2017

I HAD IT

AND I LOST IT, OR MISPLACED IT.  AT LEAST I FOUND MY PAPERS.  I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND THE CARDS.

T CALLED AFTER SRS, BBB, AAA, TO SAY I STILL HAVE TO BE HOME FOR THE SKYLIGHT.  THAT'S WHAT HE'S BEING PAID FOR, SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.  AT SOME POINT YES, NOW NO.  I GET TO CHOOSE.  I'M NOT A GROWN UP YET.  POSTPONE, PROCRASTINATE.  

AND GOD STILL LOVES ME.

I CALLED SCOTT AND HE NEEDS WEEK+HALF TO FINISH TWO JOBS. 

THIS NEVER ENDING REPAIR IS DAD ALL OVER AGAIN.  DAD ALWAYS DID WHAT HE WANTED NO MATTER WHO HAD TO SUFFER. 

I'm sleeping a lot.





Monday, August 7, 2017

SO TIRED

GETTING TO THE ROOT OF MY ANXIETY IS HORRIBLE.  THE HOUSE REPRESENTS ALL MY MISERABLE CHILDHOOD AND MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AWAY.

A EVEN SAID IT.  THAT'S WHAT I DO.  YOU CAN'T FIGHT THE INSANE WITHOUT BECOMING UNHINGED.  I LEARNED THAT TRYING TO REASON WITH THE INSANE IS A WASTE OF BREATH, ENERGY AND LOGIC.  MY ENTIRE FAMILY.  MY EX. 

IT'S TAKEN 67 YEARS TO GET TO THIS POINT.

AT LEAST I MADE IT.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

FUN,FUN,FUN

NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY.  PROCESSING DAD 18 YRS.  ALSO WHEN I LEFT HOME.

SENIORS EXERCISE, CAMPBELL LIBRARY RETURNS-PICKUPS, CALLED T @ D'S MADE PLANS FOR SUNDAY 10 AM B-FAST.

SAVERS HALF OFF, FOOD MAXX, HOME TIRED.  LIKE THE LAST YEAR OF DEAD-DAD.



Friday, August 4, 2017

aug/1999

I FINALLY CRIED FOR DAD TODAY.  I HAVEN'T FOR 18 YEARS.

HIS LAST YEAR WAS EVEN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. 

A SET UP TAKING MOM TO TAHOE AND WASN'T GOING TO TELL DAD.  SO I TOLD HIM SO HE COULD GET OVER HIS ABANDONMENT BEFORE THEY LEFT AND MOM COULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.  A SET UP HER CHAIN OF MANIPULATIONS TO GET HIM TO AGREE TO ACUPUNCTURE AND HER CHIROPRACTOR IN SOUTH SAN JOSE WINFIELD MALL.  I TOLD HER DR. GAIL HERE AT O'CONNER'S WAS BETTER AND CLOSER BUT SHE INSISTED AND MOM WENT ALONG WITH HER.  SETTING UP DAD'S PAINFUL DEATH, SEPT 5, 1999.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

FLASHBACK

LIKE A BAD TRIP.  I'M FEELING HELPLESS AND HOPELESS.  JUST LIKE MY CHILDHOOD. 

IT COULD BE THE AUTISM.