Wednesday, September 20, 2017

8 YR OLD ME

I LOOKED AROUND ME AT MY FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS AND DETERMINED THE WORLD WAS CRAZY.  WHICH MEANT I HAD TO HIDE MY THOUGHTS OR BE CRUCIFIED.  MY MOM WAS GREAT AT PUNISHING ME FOR EVERYTHING.  I LEARNED THAT EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT. 

I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.  I MADE HER MAD.  I MADE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.  GAVE ME QUITE A SENSE OF POWER.  I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I DID IT BUT SHE INSISTED AND SHE HAD THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH OVER ME SO WHO WAS I TO ARGUE.  I'D ONLY LOSE. 

THEY COMPLAINED ABOUT EVERYTHING AND YET DID NOTHING ABOUT IT.  I DECIDED WHEN I DIDN'T LIKE SOMETHING I WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  IT LED TO MORE PERSECUTION. 

I LEARNED TO KEEP COUNSEL WITH MYSELF.

I SET ABOUT LEARNING HOW THINGS WORK SO I COULD CHANGE THEM.  I LEARNED FURNITURE REFINISHING, SOLDERING, BASIC CAR MECHANICS, ETC. 

I STUDIED THE WEATHER, SEASONS, HOW THINGS GROW.  I THINK IT'S A MIRACLE THAT PLANTS AND ANIMALS USE NUCLEAR FUSION TO GROW.  AND INSTEAD OF STUDYING FUSION MAN DECIDED FISSION WAS BETTER.  MAYBE BECAUSE FUSION TAKES TIME.  ENERGY, INTENTION, FOCUS.  LASERS.

I LEARNED TO LOVE LEARNING.  THERE ARE NO LIMITS TO LEARNING.


I LEARNED THE POWER OF THOUGHT.  EVERY IDEA IS AN ELECTRICAL IMPULSE.  LEARNING IS HAVING THE IMPULSE BUILD A TRACK THAT IS REINFORCED AND STRENGTHENED EVERY TIME THE THOUGHT IS ENTERTAINED.  THIS IS WHY UNWANTED HABITS TAKE WORK TO ERASE AND TAPE OVER.

THE MATERIAL WORLD IS A REFLECTION OF OUR INTERNAL WORLD.  TELEVISIONS, CARS, BUILDINGS ALL STARTED WITH THE ELECTRICAL IDEA.  THOUGHTS ARE ELECTRICITY.  ELECTRICITY CAUSES OUR HEARTS TO BEAT. 

THE BEST CITY IN THE WORLD:  ELECTRI-CITY.

THOUGHTS ON THE LIGHTNING STORMS:  THE PLANET IS RE-BOOTING. 




Tuesday, September 19, 2017

so much for plans

THE ROOF IS IN THE WORKS. 

I WANTED TO MAYBE GO TO SAVERS, COSTCO HOT DOG CHERRIES TIRE PRESSURE, SUNLIGHT CONCEPTS. 

SLC-MARJORIE CALLED, $125 IS TRIP CHARGE.  THEY DO REPLACEMENT NOT REPAIR.

SO I HAVE TO THINK ON THIS. 

COSTCO IT IS.

Monday, September 18, 2017

distractions

WE ALL HAVE THEM TO MAKE LIFE TOLERABLE.  MY BOOKS, DVDS, PUZZLES.

MOM HAD HER POKER MACHINE. 

D &A THEIR MANIPULATIONS WHICH I COULD UNDERSTAND IF THEIR ACTIONS HAD BEEN FOR GAIN OTHER THAN EGO.  SO POINTLESS TO RUIN PEOPLE LIVES.  WHY?  A SENSE OF GODNESS?

Saturday, September 16, 2017

STUNNED

I GOT LOCKED OUT AT SRS CMPTR.  I GOT LOCKED OUT HERE AT MAIN ONE TIME.  I THINK PCH IS REWORKING THEIR WEBSITE.  GLITCH.

I WENT TO $ANTA AND GOT CHIPS AND VITES.  I WAS OUT OF FISH OIL.  WAIT A MINUTE I THINK I GOT D TOO.

Friday, September 15, 2017

I'M UPSET

I FINALLY FIGURED THE PANIC WHENEVER ANYTHING GOES WRONG.  DAD WAS A TYRANT.  VINDICTIVE, CRUEL. 

HE BECAME THE HOUSE.  HE WAS SO CONTROLLING ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.  THE REASON I PUT MYSELF THROUGH COLLEGE.  I KNEW I COULDN'T DEPEND ON HIS JEALOUS SELF TO HELP ME.  THE PAIR USED EACH OTHER TO MANIPULATE AND CONTROL US KIDS. 

EVILSISTERS PROBABLY DON'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT THEY DID TO US.  HOW THEY DID IT. 

I CAN TOLERATE THE PANIC BETTER KNOWING WHY AND HOW.

EVENTUALLY IT WILL DISSIPATE.

AND THE ROOF WILL BE OK.  THE KITCHEN, BATH, YARD, WASHER, DRAINS.

I WILL BE OK.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

LALALA

THERE IS NO THING I MUST DO TODAY.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I FEEL UNDER NO PRESSURE. 

MY ANXIETY RIDDLED LIFE HAS CHANGED AND I CAN BREATHE EASILY. 

SO MUCH OF MY CHILDGOOD WAS TENSE, CONTENTIOUS.

THE FREEDOM AND LACK OF A WEIGHT ON ME, IS ALMOST DIZZYING.  ALMOST.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

MY susan

I'M FEELING JUMBLED.  JEANIE MADE ME A CHICKEN PICKLE MUSTARD MAYO SANDWICH.  PERFECT AT 9:30.  GJ IS TAKING CARE OF ME.

I'M CALM NOW. 

READY FOR NAP OR HOT TUB. 

Saturday, September 9, 2017

JUST DOING WHAT I WANT

Msusan CAN BE VERY INSISTENT.  I THINK THE CHILD HAS MORE STRENGTH OF CHARACTER AND STUBBORNNESS THAN THE ADULT.

PLAYING WITH MY NAME REMINDS ME OF FRY AND LAURIE SAYING M'COLLEAGUE. 

Thursday, September 7, 2017

WAH!!

I'M FEELING FRUSTRATED.   DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A REASON. 

FEELINGS ARE SELF EXISTING.  THEY CAN BE LODGED IN THE BODY AND ERUPT. 

FOR THE FIRST TIME A DOCTOR REPEATED CAROLINE MYSS "BIOGRAPHY BECOMES BIOLOGY."



johnbitch does NOT play well w/others

LIKE W-IRANI WANTS THE ENTIRE TABLE.  OH LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!  I CAN'T STAND THEM.  TOO MUCH LIKE A/D.  LOSERS. 

LOST ME. 

LIKE ARrrrrrrrr.  

I DESERVE A CHERRY BAGEL.

AND HE NEVER FINISHED THE PUZZLE AFTER INSISTING HE NEEDED TO WORK ON THE ENTIRE PUZZLE AND WAS UNABLE TO WORK ON JUST ONE SECTION, THE IDIOT.

LIFE IS LIVED IN INCREMENTS. 

Saturday, September 2, 2017

AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF

READING THE ZOOKEEPER'S WIFE, SHE WAS ORPHANED AND DID OK.  SHE MUST HAVE HAD SOME GOOD ROLE MODELS.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

APOLOGIES

I'M HAVING SO MUCH MORE FUN.  DOING WHAT I WANT IS BLISS.  

DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS:  SHE WAS ALWAYS ASKING IS THAT WRONG?

MY PARENTS MADE ME SUFFER IF I WAS HAVING FUN. 

I READ A DILBERT CARTOON; HE ASKS POINTY HAIRED DEVIL BOSS TO ASSIGN HIM TO A REASONABLE PROJECT HE CAN ENJOY AND DEVIL BOSS SAYS HE'S NOT PAYING HIM TO HAVE FUN.  SO DO WE HAVE TO SUFFER?  IS THAT REQUIRED?  PART OF THE JOB DESCRIPTION?

Thursday, August 24, 2017

NEW SEASONS MARKET

I'VE BEEN HAVING FUN.  CHECKED OUT THE NEW STORE IN SV FROM OREGON.  IT WAS EXPENSIVE AND HAD A HUGE RANGE OF PRODUCTS I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED. 

IT'S A HUGE STORE WITH AMPLE PARKING.  7-10 DAILY.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE TIRED. 

I STILL WANT TO GO TO CSAA TODAY. 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

NOID

I'VE BEEN RUMINATING OVER THE MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE.  BECAUSE A 30ISH FEMALE AS FAR AS I COULD TELL, WAS PULLING SKIRTS OFF THE CLIP HANGERS AND TOSSING THEM OVER THE RACK.  I WAS THERE FIRST AND SHE TOSSED THEM AS IF TO BLOCK MY VIEW.  SO I SAID IF YOU CAN'T MANAGE TO HANG THEM UP GIVE THEM TO ME AND I PROCEEDED TO HANG THEM.  AS AN EXCUSE SHE SAID THEY GET PAID TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER.  I SAID YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY GET PAID.  SHE ASKED IF I WANTED TO WORK THERE.  I SAID NO I DON'T HAVE TO WORK AND WITH HER ATTITUDE SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WORK.  SHE TRIED TO TELL ME SHE WORKED FOR HERSELF.  RIGHT, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO WORK WITH HER.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

KEY DIARIES

I SUCCESSFULLY REMEMBERED WHERE I LEFT IT. 

I STILL HAVE OLD ENERGY FROM A STEALING MINE TO COVER HER CARELESSNESS.

I LIKED HAVING THE  LATCH KEY FREEDOM.  AND LIKING THE ALONE TIME, FREE FROM CRITICISM AND PROJECTION. 

JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THEIR ABUSE AND REJECTION.

Friday, August 18, 2017

PREDATORvPREY

IT SEEMS THE NATURAL SYSTEM.  ALTHOUGH MORE PEOPLE SEEM TO BE WAKING UP.

THERE'S TO BE A NEW PROGRAM OF AN AUTISTIC DOCTOR THIS SEASON.

DAD WAS THE LEAD PREDATOR.  A COWARD.  TORTURING WEAKER BEINGS NEVER MAKES ONE STRONGER.



Thursday, August 17, 2017

OWWY

I'M STILL DOING THE BEST I CAN.  I'VE BEEN SO TIRED AND SLEEPY.  LISA ASKED IF I'M CRANKY TOO AND I'M TOO TIRED.

TODAY SAVER'S HAS T-SHIRTS $1.  I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

HOOKY

I FORGOT DW FOR 3 DAYS.  MY SPIRITUAL VITAMINS.  I'M BACK ON TRACK TODAY WITH PRAY FOR OTHERS. 

YESTERDAY I SPENT ( COIN ) TIME WITH GARY TERPENING.  HE WANTED TO BOTHER ME.  MY CHOICE.   HE WARNED ME SITTING DOWN.  HIS EXACT WORDS.  I BELIEVE HE MAY SINCERELY WANT TO BE HAPPY.  THE PLANET NEEDS ALL THE GOOD VIBES IT CAN GENERATE.

I KEPT INSISTING HE SHUT OFF HIS TAPE.  FUNNY HOW PEOPLE GO INTO AUTOMATIC SO EASILY.  HABIT?

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

TANTRUMS

THE IC SABOTAGES WHEN UNHAPPY. 

I WANT TO KEEP MY IC HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE AND HEALTHY.

I GET TO THE COMPUTER ROOM AND I COULD LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND NAP.

I HAD MY SNACK, LEFTOVER CASSEROLE FROM LUNCH.  MY JUICE. 

I CHOSE NO SAVERS OR ST. J.  I READ WHILE SNACKING AND I STILL WANT SOMETHING.  WHAT??

Thursday, August 10, 2017

1961

I'M BACK AT 1160 LAWRENCE STA. RD.  THE COLD TWO STORY HAUNTED HOUSE ON 1/4 ACRE.  THE BEGINNING OF THE DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY.

THAT'S WHEN DAD FREAKED AND SCREWED THE FAMILY.


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

OH WHAT TO DO

I DON'T KNOW.  THE GOOD PART IS I DON'T HAVE TO.

I went to spts b4, srs, mlib, st j, mlib, and home.



Tuesday, August 8, 2017

I HAD IT

AND I LOST IT, OR MISPLACED IT.  AT LEAST I FOUND MY PAPERS.  I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND THE CARDS.

T CALLED AFTER SRS, BBB, AAA, TO SAY I STILL HAVE TO BE HOME FOR THE SKYLIGHT.  THAT'S WHAT HE'S BEING PAID FOR, SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.  AT SOME POINT YES, NOW NO.  I GET TO CHOOSE.  I'M NOT A GROWN UP YET.  POSTPONE, PROCRASTINATE.  

AND GOD STILL LOVES ME.

I CALLED SCOTT AND HE NEEDS WEEK+HALF TO FINISH TWO JOBS. 

THIS NEVER ENDING REPAIR IS DAD ALL OVER AGAIN.  DAD ALWAYS DID WHAT HE WANTED NO MATTER WHO HAD TO SUFFER. 

I'm sleeping a lot.





Monday, August 7, 2017

SO TIRED

GETTING TO THE ROOT OF MY ANXIETY IS HORRIBLE.  THE HOUSE REPRESENTS ALL MY MISERABLE CHILDHOOD AND MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AWAY.

A EVEN SAID IT.  THAT'S WHAT I DO.  YOU CAN'T FIGHT THE INSANE WITHOUT BECOMING UNHINGED.  I LEARNED THAT TRYING TO REASON WITH THE INSANE IS A WASTE OF BREATH, ENERGY AND LOGIC.  MY ENTIRE FAMILY.  MY EX. 

IT'S TAKEN 67 YEARS TO GET TO THIS POINT.

AT LEAST I MADE IT.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

FUN,FUN,FUN

NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY.  PROCESSING DAD 18 YRS.  ALSO WHEN I LEFT HOME.

SENIORS EXERCISE, CAMPBELL LIBRARY RETURNS-PICKUPS, CALLED T @ D'S MADE PLANS FOR SUNDAY 10 AM B-FAST.

SAVERS HALF OFF, FOOD MAXX, HOME TIRED.  LIKE THE LAST YEAR OF DEAD-DAD.



Friday, August 4, 2017

aug/1999

I FINALLY CRIED FOR DAD TODAY.  I HAVEN'T FOR 18 YEARS.

HIS LAST YEAR WAS EVEN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. 

A SET UP TAKING MOM TO TAHOE AND WASN'T GOING TO TELL DAD.  SO I TOLD HIM SO HE COULD GET OVER HIS ABANDONMENT BEFORE THEY LEFT AND MOM COULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.  A SET UP HER CHAIN OF MANIPULATIONS TO GET HIM TO AGREE TO ACUPUNCTURE AND HER CHIROPRACTOR IN SOUTH SAN JOSE WINFIELD MALL.  I TOLD HER DR. GAIL HERE AT O'CONNER'S WAS BETTER AND CLOSER BUT SHE INSISTED AND MOM WENT ALONG WITH HER.  SETTING UP DAD'S PAINFUL DEATH, SEPT 5, 1999.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

FLASHBACK

LIKE A BAD TRIP.  I'M FEELING HELPLESS AND HOPELESS.  JUST LIKE MY CHILDHOOD. 

IT COULD BE THE AUTISM.

Monday, July 31, 2017

LOVING IT

THE CHILD IN ME IS HEALING.  THE CHILD FEELS JOY AND LOVES.  MY CHILD WAS ABUSED AND SUPPRESSED.  SO I EXPERIENCE A LOT OF TOT DEPRESSION. 

I'M LEARNING TO LET THE CHILD FEEL JOY.  I CAN PROTECT MY self.

Friday, July 28, 2017

FREEDOM--------

OH, I'M LOVING SETTING UP THE PAGE AND GETTING TO IT WHEN I HAVE TIME. 

I'VE NEVER BEFORE HAD THIS MUCH FREEDOM.  TO DO AND BE ME ACCORDING TO ME.  ME.  ME.

ALL ABOUT ME.

NO WONDER THE DONALD IS SO FULL OF HIMSELF.  HE HAS TONS OF PEOPLE MAKING IT ABOUT HIM.

I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ENJOY THAT MUCH SCRUTINY.  POOR LITTLE RICH WHATEVER. 

Thursday, July 27, 2017

I'M FEELING-

ANXIOUS.  COULDN'T FIND MY HANKIES THIS A.M.  DON'T KNOW IF I MISPLACED OR WAS VISITED BY SIS/THIEVES. 

AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRUST.  TODAY'S DW IS INNER PEACE.  ANOTHER CHANCE TO IMPROVE. 

OH, WELL.

I JUST GOT BACK MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

TYGJ

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

SWEEEET!

THIS A.M. I LOOKED FOR MY T-SHIRT DRESSES.  GONE. 

THE $50 I FOUND AT THE LIBRARY, THE ROLLING CART $1.50 AT ST JUSTIN, SOPHIA'S PAN OF CORNBREAD, ALL GOOD THINGS COME FROM GOD TO BALANCE THE SISTER/THIEVES. 

AND TODAY 2X POTATOE SALAD I ATE IN CAR AT LIBRARY LEAVING THE ONIONS AND TRASH BEHIND. 

AND THE BAG OF SPINACH AND BLACK JOURNAL DUMPED IN PARKING LOT. 

TYGJ.

ANYTHING I WANT TO KEEP I HAVE TO STORE UNDER LOCK AND KEY.

THE GARAGE. 



SLOWLY GROWING UP

THE BEST WAY TO DO IT.

I ALMOST OVERDID YESTERDAY.  I'M CELEBRATING A BIG WIN.  I PUZZLED AND RESTED.

ALL MY T-SHIRT DRESSES ARE GONE.  SISTER/THIEVES STOLE THEM.  SO LONG MY CITRUS KNIFE, MY LONG YELLOW TIERED DRESS AND BROWN BUTTERFLY SANDALS, AND GARDEN TOOLS; SCYTHE, INCLUDING THE CUSTOM YARD DUST PAN DAD MADE ME SPECIAL, ETC., ARE THEY KNOW WHERE. 

OK.

ONWARD AND UPWARD.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I'M FEELING LITTLE

I'M A LITTLE TIRED FROM SWEEPING PEA SEEDS FOR NEXT YEAR AM/PM.  I'VE WANTED TO DO THAT FOR YEARS.  AND I CAN PLANT NEXT YEAR TOO. 

I PLANNED ON SAVERS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT BALANCE.  I DODGED A BULLET.

Monday, July 24, 2017

MATURITY CAN BE FUN

I LIKE THE POSSIBILITIES MATURITY BRINGS.  THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO ENJOY.  SO MANY MORE THINGS TO DO AND BE. 

HEALTHY CAN BE FUN AND DELICIOUS. 

MATURE- ADULT PEOPLE MAKE FEWER MISTAKES.  THEY'RE WELL BALANCED, MAKE BETTER DECISIONS.  PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS, THINK THINGS THROUGH.

I PREFER ADULTS.







Saturday, July 22, 2017

INCLUSION

ALL A CHILD WANTS IS LOVE=  RECOGNITION, RESPECT, FAIR TREATMENT. 

THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS.  SIMPLE, NOT EASY IN AN EGO-CENTRIC WORLD. 

I STARTED THIS ENTRY TODAY TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY self AND REALIZE THAT'S ALL I NEED.  EVER.

IF THERE IS NEED, LOVE RECOGNIZES AND FILLS THE NEED.

Friday, July 21, 2017

NOSEGASMS

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO SNEEZE.  I GUESS BODY FUNCTIONS ARE PROGRAMMED TO FEEL GOOD.  OTHERWISE LIFE WOULD BE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE JUST BEING.  EVEN WITHOUT THE GLITCHES.  ie., GENERAL MAINTENANCE, EVERY DAY WEAR AND TEAR.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

HICCUPS

ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS I HAD IN 1972 AFTER I FELL.  AND THEY'RE BACK. 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

I'M LEARNING EVERY DAY

I HAVE OVER 1 HUNDRED POSTS AND HAVE TO CHANGE THE CONFIGURATION TO GET TO ALL.  I CAN DO IT.  I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER KNEW HOW B4.  OF COURSE NOT, I DIDN'T HAVE THAT MANY POSTS. 

I LOVE THINKING SILENTLY.  SO MANY THINK OUT LOUD.  IS IT ATTENTION SEEKING?  THEY WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED.  M OR A WOULD HAVE SQUASHED THEM LIKE THE BUGS THEY ARE. 

OH, MY ACHING BACK AND LEGS.  FROM TODAY'S YARDWORK.

I LIKE DOING, I FEEL POWERFUL DOING.  I DON'T GET HUMAN-SPONGES/COUCH POTATOES.  EVEN SPONGE BOB LIKES TO PLAY. 

Monday, July 17, 2017

TANTRUM!!!!

I HATE GOOGLE.  IT KEEPS LOCKING ME OUT.  I HAD TO CHANGE MY PASSWORD BECAUSE I FORGOT THE CAPS WAS ON.  USUALLY IT WILL SHOW IT.  NOT GOOGLE. 

I'M FEELING HOT AND TIRED FROM ERIC'S MEMORIAL SAT-15.  IT WAS 105o AT 5 PM IN MY CAR IN CAMPBELL.  AND I DROVE HOME IT WAS STILL 95. 

I'M FEELING SAD HE WAS 6 YRS YOUNGER AND SUFFERED SO MUCH.  5 YRS OF CANCER IS HARD. 

JAPS ARE HARD ON SONS.  AND DAUGHTERS SUBBING FOR SONS.  ME. 

Thursday, July 13, 2017

THINKING OF MY LIFE

SO FAR IT HASN'T FELT WORTH IT. 

THE EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD ARE SPECIAL AND I'M SPECIAL AND IT STILL DOESN'T FEEL WORTH IT. 

THE CHILD ISN'T SATISFIED.  WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO FIND SATISFACTION FOR ALL THE SUFFERING?


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

MOM DID IT!

HER FAULT, HER FAULT!!

MY COMPULSIVENESS IS DUE TO HER CONTROL ISSUES.

SHE MADE ME THE PERSON I WAS, I'M MAKING MYSELF THE PERSON I WANT TO BE.

I DECIDED TO HAVE READY PLAYER ONE OVERDUE.  NOT ENTIRELY MY DOING.  NORTHSIDE HAS 3 COPIES AVAILABLE SO THERE'S NO REASON NOT TO RENEW THE COPY I HAD.  SO I DROVE TO NORTHSIDE AND CHECKED OUT ANOTHER COPY AND TURNED IN THE OVERDUE.  I.O.$.50.

I'VE NEVER DECIDED TO OVERDUE ANYTHING B4.  TYGJ AND SCPL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SOMETHING NEW.


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

YARDWORK

I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL TODAY.  I'M FEELING SO WELL FROM TOO MUCH YARDWORK THIS COOL 6 am. 

Saturday, July 8, 2017

it's working

I PICKED UP THE ART AREA AND SAT AND READ FOR AN HOUR.  I SAW GARBAGE ON FLOOR AND GOT UP TO TIDY.  IT WAS $50 WADDED UP LIKE TRASH.  I LOOKED AROUND FOR THE MAN WHO'D BEEN SITTING THERE UPSTAIRS AND DOWN.  THEN I REMEMBERED I LEFT MY $ AT HOME.  I COULD GO OVER TO ST JUST 1:30.  IF I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING I COULD TURN IT IN.  OR I COULD KEEP IT.  MINE.  I FOUND BURNER BIBS $1, 6 CDRS $1 FOR T.

FUNNY HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.  I AM HERE TO BE TRULY HELPFUL.  LIKE DIRECTING A MOM TO THE PARKING SPACE BEHIND ME.  97o NOW.


SELF-SABOTAGE

TODAY AFTER SRS I WENT TO BK FOR $.79 H-DOGS, 2 , AND VALUE FRIES AND ONION RINGS.  AND IN THE TRUNK I HAD YESTERDAY'S CRAB SANDWICH.  ON ICE.

SO I ATE ONE DOG AND HALF THE SANDWICH.  RINGS, FRIES, JUICE. AND I ASKED FOR AND GOT A PAPER CROWN.

YUM!!!!

AND I REMEMBER TO WRITE MILEAGE AND EVERYTHING EXCEPT CASH (LEFT AT HOME IN PINK SAC).  SO GOOD!

WHEN THE INNER CHILD IS HURTING EVERYTHING HURTS.  THE INNER CHILD WILL STRIKE OUT AT ANYONE AND ANYTHING.  THE INNER CHILD HAS LEARNED TO SAFELY HIDE BEHIND AN ADULT FACADE.                 

AS I NURTURE MY INNER CHILD MY LIFE IMPROVES.  

DEALS MUST BE MADE AND KEPT SO THE CHILD DOESN'T RUN AMOK.  IT ISN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE DEALS.  TRUST MUST BE BUILT.  

IT'S 92o AT NOON.  AND I PLANNED THE M-LIB FOR UNDERGROUND PKG FOR MY CAR.  COOL AIR AND QUIET FOR ME.  LOVELY.  I CAN DO MY FAVORITE THING.  READ.  

I FOUND $50 ON THE GROUND.  SEE ADULT.


Monday, July 3, 2017

H/H/C

MY NEW NAME IS HAPPY, HEALTHY CHILD.  THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO AND BE.

Friday, June 30, 2017

fun

I TRIED THE VIRTUAL REALITY AT THE MLIB. 

I TOTALLY FORGOT UNTIL 1:24 AT SRS.  I HAD JUST LOGGED ON AND FLASH!!  I REMEMBERED @2:15.  I HAD SET THE PHONE ALARM FOR 1:45.  I DIDN'T NEED IT. 

TYGJ.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

MEMEME

IS THAT WHAT A MEME IS?

7/8 SAT-NO, A MEME IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT THAT BECOMES ACCEPTED BY THE MAJORITY.  THE INTERNET IS SO USEFUL FOR INFORMATION.

I'M LEARNING TO BE FOR ME.


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

$AVERS!!!!

DOING WHAT I WANT.  I'M LEARNING TO PUT MY SCARY SELF FIRST. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

MIT THIEF-FORGIVENESS


OH, WELL.  IT MAKES ME SAD AND DEPRESSED TO KNOW SHE'S STILL STEALING FROM ME.  SHE WON'T BE SATISFIED UNTIL I'M DEAD AND SHE CAN OPENLY VULTURE THROUGH MY THINGS LIKE SHE DID WITH MOM. 

TO PLACATE MY TRAUMATIZED INNER CHILD I BOUGHT SEASON 1&2 SIMPSONS.  I LOVE AND FORGIVE MYSELF FOR HAVING A HORRIBLE FAMILY. 

I CAME TO MLIB AND ST JUSTIN'S SR LUNCH TO TRY TO CHEER MYSELF.  ON TOP OF ERIC DYING LIKE DAD I STILL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE WICKED STEP SISTERS.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

feeling small

I JUST REMINDED MYSELF OF STEVE MARTIN GETTING SMALL. 

AND SOME DAYS I FEEL SMALL. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

WAGWOORD

STILL CRACKS ME UP.  THE LANGUAGE RESET IS AFRICAANS. 

SLEPT TIL 7!..  I AWOKE AT 4:30 STRETCHED AND WAS ABLE TO SLEEP.  I STAYED UP TIL 11 AND STILL NO WHEEL JUST NBA TALK. 

I'M STILL FEELING VERRY TIRED.  HEALING TAKES TIME.

Friday, June 2, 2017

JUDGEMENT=BOOMERANG PEARLS

THE BIBLE SAYS JUDGE NOT BECAUSE ANY JUDGEMENT STARTS WITH THE PROJECTOR AND THEY SEAL THEIR FATE. 

WHAT YOU JUDGE OF OTHERS STARTS FROM WITHIN.  THE OBJECT MAY MERELY BE A MIRROR. 

I MUST STOP OFFERING PEARLS TO SWINE.  THEY GOBBLE THE PEARLS. 




Saturday, May 27, 2017

FEAR...

REALLY IS THE MIND KILLER-DUNE, FRANK HERBERT.  I'VE COME TO ACCEPT THAT FAMILIES STAY TOGETHER IN FEAR.  OF BEING ALONE.  DELLA CALLED ABOUT MONOPOLY TICKETS SHE HAS AFTER TELLING ME SHE WASN'T SHOPPING AT SFWY BECUZ OF CONSTRUCTION.  TUE. IS THE LAST DAY ACCEPTED.  STAR IS RUNNING HER RAGGED AND SHE LOVES IT JUST LIKE M&A. 

I'VE ALSO DECIDED I WANT A FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE WITH HIGH CEILINGS.  I DON'T LIKE THE CLAUSTROPHOBIC REGULAR CEILINGS.  I WANT SKYLIGHTS.  NATURAL LIGHTING, PEEPHOLES AROUND HOUSE.  I ALWAYS WANTED A MIDDLE AREA FOR A YARD.  THE BEST DESIGN A SQUARE WITH A GARDEN INSIDE ANOTHER SQUARE.  I THINK THAT WOULD BE THE BEST DESIGN.  THE AREAS COULD BE CONTAINED AND CLOSED OFF WHEN NOT IN USE.  A CENTRAL GAZEBO-OFFICE SPACE WOULD BE NICE TOO.  POSSIBLY TWO STORY.  LIKE A CASTLE.


Thursday, May 25, 2017

SNEEZY

SLEEPY, DOPEY, DOC.  AND THE REST.

THE WIND IS BLOWING GALES AND THE STUFF IN THE AIR IS AFFECTING EVERYONE.  MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WILL NEED TYLOPHORA. 

AT HOME I THINK OF ALL KINDS OF THINGS TO WRITE AND I GET HERE AND PFFT!!  GONE.

I AM HAVING THE BEST TIME.  THE DISCOMFORT OF ALLERGIES MAKES THE HAPPINESS TOLERABLE. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

BIG REINCARNATION

I GET TO REDO MYSELF IN MY OWN IMAGE.  HOW DO I SEE MYSELF? WELL, FOR STARTERS I'LL HAVE TO START LETTING OTHERS INTO MY WORLD.

WHEN I TURNED THE IGNITION THE RADIO STARTED PLAYING SOME APOLOGY SONG AND THEN `STAY JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER`.  I CAUGHT EVERY LIGHT GREEN GETTING TO MLIB.  I HAVE A MASH POTATO SANDIE FROM LUNCH AND TWO DONUTS SFWY.

I FOUND A BOOK FOR INSPIRATION,  SOMEONE WHO LOSES EVERYTHING.  MEREDITH MARAN LP.  MY NEW NITE READ.

I'M STILL CHECKING MONOPOLY WHILE WATCHING WHAT I WANT.  WHAT AN EMPOWERING STATEMENT.  WHAT I WANT.

I WATCHED THE 9TH LIFE OF LOUIS DRAX.  BAD MOTHER.  I KNEW THE ENDING HALF WAY THROUGH FROM MY LIFE.  2X SPEED.  I CAN HAVE WHAT I WANT.


Monday, May 22, 2017

FALLOUT FROM A MONSTER CALLS

I'M FEELING SAD FROM WATCHING A MONSTER CALLS.  I KNOW FOR A FACT I'VE RARELY IF EVER BEEN LOVED FROM THE FEELINGS. 

THE EXPERIEMENT W/CAROL K.  THE PROJECTIONS OF ENERGY ARE LOVE, HATE, FEAR, SADNESS, ANY FEELING. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.  I'M USED TO FEELING CAUTION, APPREHENSION, FEAR.  I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER FELT LOVE. 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

I GOT TIRED...

THE DAY I PAID PGE AND LEFT THE POCKET UNZIPPED.  I THOUGHT I LOST MY COIN PURSE AND FOUND IT NEXT AM IN THE CAR.  TYPICAL. 

I'M GETTING MORE REST.  AND AVOIDING THE HEAT.  AND OBSTREPEROUS PEOPLE.

   ⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕‖‖‖‖‖‖‖‖‖‖‖††††††††‡‡‡‡‡‡†††††‰‰‰‰‰‰⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕⁕

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I'M HAVING MORE FUN.....AND I DESERVE IT.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

I'M FALLING...........

ASLEEP.  I'M ADDING MONOPOLY CODES AFTER LUNCH AND I'M NOT SURE IF I'M ACTUALLY ALL THAT SLEEPY, OR SPAGHETTI FOR LUNCH, OR IT'S JUST BORING. 

I ALMOST FELL OFF THE CHAIR.  I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.

I BIKED 15 MIN AND DID THE GAME BOARD.   HALF HOUR TUB. 

IT COULD BE ALLERGIES.  THE WIND IS 4?MPH ACCORDING TO YAHOO.  SEEMS WINDIER. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

almost forgot

THE COMPTRS ARE REMODELING AT SRS.  SO MY ONLINE NEEDS ARE HERE.  I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WILL FUNCTION.  IT'S RUMORED TO BE MORE LIKE THE LIB.

WE'LL SEE.

CALLED T BDAY WISHES.  HE'S SPENDING THE DAY W/ROBLOU.  JUST AS WELL.  I WANTED TO GOOF OFF.

I WATCHED AN EPISODE OF FOREVER GREEN.  JOHN ALDERTON, PAULINE COLLINS.

PRETTY INTERESTING E1-S1.

I WAS WATCHING NO HONESTLY.

NEW TV!!!!  HOW EXCITING!


Monday, May 8, 2017

WONDERFULL

I'M A LITTLE TIRED FROM THIS WEEKEND.  SO MUCH DONE.  AND I'M SLEEPY FROM THE WIND BLOWING, MY ALLERGIES.  I'M SO ITCHY.  INSIDE AND OUT.

I SAT OUTSIDE IN DELLA'S BACKYARD FOR TWO HRS WITH THE WIND BLOWING.  JAMIE AND TOM GRABLE WERE THERE TO MEET ROB/LOUISE.  NOW MY NOSE. 

Sunday, May 7, 2017

T-ROB

TODAY WAS SR ST J @1 AND ROB TD @2:30.  AND IN MY MIND I COULD ONLY DO 1.  BUT IN REALITY I CAN DO BOTH.

MONDAY-AND I DID.  I HAD LUNCH.  WON THE FIRST BINGO.  I REVERSED THE BOARD AND THE LITTLE 4TH GRADE GIRLS WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED.  I CAME TO THE LIBRARY, HUNG OUT.  I GOT TO DELLA'S AT 3:45.  NO ONE ANSWERED THE DOOR.  I CALLED T, EVERYONE IN BKYD.  JAMIE & TOM GRABLE, ROBT CRUZ, ISIDRO.  ROB AND LOUISE.  WAS I SURPRISED.  LIKE MY PARTY. FOOD GOOD. HOME BY 6.  WHEW!!

AND SOMEONE CLEARED THE WEEDS FROM FRONT OF FENCE.  TYGJ. 

Saturday, May 6, 2017

OLD IS BACK

THE OLD FORMAT IS BACK.

I WENT TO SCU SFWY TO REDEEM MONOPOLY AND FOUND A SAMSUNG PHONE IN THE PARKING LOT.  I WASN'T ABOUT TO GO BACK INTO THE BUSY STORE.  I WENT TO THE SRS FRONT DESK AND ASKED IF ANYONE KNEW HOW TO ANSWER THE PHONE.  THEY DID.  I LEFT IT WITH THEM.  IF IT HADN'T BEEN PICKED UP I PLANNED TO TAKE IT TO POLICE STA.  OPEN 24 HRS. 

Friday, May 5, 2017

AT SRS

PCH SEARCH WOULDN'T GET ME HERE SO I HAD TO BLOGGER.  DID MY ONLINE JOB W/WHEEL, LIBS, PCH. 


I'M JUST WAITING FOR T.  YESTERDAY HE CALLED AT 2:30 HAVING JUST AWOKE.  SAID HE'D BE OVER 2 HRS.  HE CALLED AND POSTPONED AT 4 FOR THIS AM.  SAID TO LEAVE OUT GLOVES SO I DID.  IT'S VERY OVERCAST AND WINDY. 


I SMOKED MY LAST CIG THIS AM.  I MAY GET MORE.  I DON'T KNOW.


I'VE DECIDED MY HEALTH, EVERYONE'S HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE YEARLY CLEANUP.  TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY.  AND MORE WILL BE REVEALED.



Thursday, May 4, 2017

THIS CHILD

WE ALWAYS HAVE THE CHILD WITHIN TO NURTURE AND PROTECT.  THE SEED, KERNEL OF OUR BEING.

IF PARENTS DON'T DO THEIR JOB, WE HAVE TO LEARN ON OUR OWN.  TEACH OURSELVES HOW TO BE SAFE AND HAPPY.

SOME OF US THROUGH LOYALTY TO THE FAMILY REMAIN IN THE DYSFUNCTIONAL MACHINE, GEARS GRINDING US TO OUR DEATHS NEVER HAVING LIVED HAPPY LIVES.

IF UNHAPPINESS IS THE GOAL, SOME ARE VERY SUCCESSFUL.

LET'S FACE IT.  UNHAPPY IS EASIER.  IT'S COMFORTABLE TO REMAIN UNCONSCIOUS.  ONLY WHEN ONE IS IN PAIN IS A SOLUTION LOOKED FOR.  CHANGE ACCEPTABLE.

CHILDREN HAVE TO WANT TO GROW UP.  THEY CAN'T BE FORCED.




Tuesday, April 11, 2017

I FORGOT TO LOG OFF MLIB


T CALLED ME AT MLIB JUST AS I WAS EATING MY SNACK AT 3.  HE INVITED ME FOR CORNBREAD AND CHILI BEANS AT 4:30.  SO I WENT BACK IN AND SOME PHLIP BITCH USED UP MY MINUTES BECUZ I FORGOT TO LOG OFF.  BUT IT WAS OK. 

I HAD OTHER THINGS TO DO.  I'M CAUGHT UP ON MY READING AND FIGURED OUT THE MYSTERY WORD SEARCH.  AND THERE IS A WHEEL FOR CANDY, PENS FOR LIBRARY WEEK OR MONTH.

MOLTO BENE

Monday, April 10, 2017

i bought and baked

$ANC HAD ORANGE CINNABONS.  AND I REDEEMED FREE SFWY SALAD, WHOLE KERNEL CORN.  LUCKY'S HAD PORK CHOPS, I'M SITTING PRETTY.  TYGJ.

I MISS THE $.99 POTATOES.  THEY WERE SO GOOD.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

NOT SO FANTASTIC BEASTS



MAYBE I WAS EXPECTING A FUNNIER, SMARTER MOVIE.  OK, I WAS.  I'M DISAPPOINTED.  IT WAS TOO PREDICTABLE AND DARK. 


TYGJ FOR THE EARLY RAIN AS SPRINKLES AND HURRICANE WIND THAT WAITED.  T IS SUPPOSED TO COME TODAY.  WE'LL SEE. 


LIFE IS GOOD AND GETTING BETTER.  POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS.  KEEP LOOKING UP.



Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

i forgot allergies

I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO COW MILK.  I JUST FEEL BETTER ON COCONUT.  EVEN SOY IS NOT AS GOOD. 

THE WIND IS BLOWING EVERYTHING AROUND  AND UP MY NOSE. 

I'M OK.

MY SHOULDERS FEEL BETTER TODAY FROM SUNDAY'S CACTUS CUTTING.

Monday, March 27, 2017

ALL CIRCUITS BUSY

I forgot to close the front door.  I REALIZED WHEN A MOSQUITO WAS BUZZING AROUND THIS AM. 


I FORGOT TO ADD $ TO MY CHECKING FRIDAY WHEN I SENT IN DENTAL. I REMEMBERED LAST NIGHT B4 FALLING ASLEEP.  WHEN I CALLED FROM SRS THE LINES ARE BUSY.  I COULD CALL FROM MY PHONE TO CHECK.  NAH.


I HAD A PRETTY GOOD WEEKEND.  FRIDAY DESSERT W/T.  HE CONFESSED 90% OF THE TIME WE GET ALONG FINE.  HE WANTED ME TO TEST DRIVE HIS CAR.  HE THINKS IT'S PULLING TO THE RIGHT.  IT SEEMED FINE TO ME.  I DROVE TO PARIS BAKERY, LAWRENCE SQUARE.  I HAD FOUR PCS.  I BOUGHT SOME TOO.


SATURDAY I TOOK MY TIME AT SRS AND GOT TACO BELL FOR LUNCH AT MLIB.  HUNG OUT WATCHING DVD AND GOT MY TAXES DONE IN HALF AN HOUR.  THE RECHECK TOOK AN HOUR CUZ SHE HADN'T DONE IT BEFORE AND WANTED TO FLIRT WITH ERIC MY PREPARER.  I OWE FEDS $100 AND STATE $35.  I GOT VOUCHERS TO MAIL IT IN.


SUNDAY I WENT G2,  SFWY 3 TRIPS PAPER, BEST TEA 2 REESES HEARTS NEW BOX 3 HR LOGS $8.50.  THEN LOOKED ALL OVER OSH FOR GOLD TOMATOES.  I ENDED BUYING VOLCANIC ROCK FOR POTTING WITH MY 10% COUPON.  LOOKED THROUGH NEWSPAPER AND DID MONOPOLY.  THEN I WENT TO LUCKY'S TO USE PHONE AND LOOK AT CLEARANCE.  THEY HAD GOLD PEAR TOMATOES 6/$3.49 AND NUTMEG AND GINGER.  I CAME HOME AND DECIDED NO LIBRARY.  I FELT GOOD AFTER LUNCH AND CUT CACTUS WITH NEW SHEETROCK SAW. 


SO MY ARM AND BLADES ARE SORE.  AND I HAD A VOMIT DREAM THAT WOKE ME UP AT 4AM.  I WAS AT DELLA'S AND SHE MADE SQUASH AND CORN WITH UNDERCOOKED ONIONS.  AND WHEN I AWOKE I WAS ACTUALLY NAUSEOUS.



Saturday, March 25, 2017

ALLERGY TO MILK



SINCE CHANGING TO COCONUT I FEEL BETTER. 


I TRIED MILK AND I CAN FEEL THE DIFF.







Wednesday, March 15, 2017

BETTER

I MANAGED NOT TO BE SICK.  I BABIED MYSELF AND I'M FEELING BETTER. 


I DREAMED OF CHEVY CHASE AND HE SAID HIS B'DAY IS XMAS 1999.  I'LL BE 18.  I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM BEING MY ALTER EGO. 


THE CHILD IN ME IS SO TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE.  I DON'T WANT TO TAKE CARE OF ANYONE BUT ME.



Tuesday, March 14, 2017

SANS BELT-FEELING LOST

SLEPT 10-12:44 STOMACHE.  MY DOING.  IT WAS HOT 78 SO I STAYED SRS 'TIL 5:45 SANS BELT, PUZZLING.  WORTH IT.  TOOK 2 KAVA AND SLEPT 4-5-6:30.  READ CUZ THE DVD WOULDN'T LOAD.  MY LEGS ARE SO STIFF AND SORE.  FEELING OLD TOO.


TODAY IS HOT 80 AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO.  LIBRARY CAMPBELL, MAIN.  OR HOME. 


T CALLED AND LEFT MESSAGE.  I FORGOT MY PHONE AT HOME YESTERDAY.  HE MAY PLANT SECOND LILAC TODAY. 


I THOUGHT ABOUT RETIRING SOC SEC.  I GUESS I HAVE A LOT TO CONSIDER.  AND THE CHANGES TO MY LIFE.  MY HOUSE.  MY WORK. 


ST JUST SUNDAY WAS GOOD.  CORNED BEEF PLENTY, CABBAGE, BABY CARROTS, HALF POTATO.  ST PADDY'S DAY EARLY.


SO MANY SENIORS HAVE POOR HEARING AND EYESIGHT.  I THINK WE'RE TO LEARN LISTENING TO THE INNER VOICE.



Saturday, March 11, 2017

GROWING UP IS HARD



BIG CHILDREN RARELY HAVE A CHILDHOOD.  EVERYONE EXPECTS THEM TO ACT OLDER THAN THEY ARE. 


AND KIDS NOWADAYS HAVE NO CHILDHOOD.  THEY'RE EXPECTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.  POOR UNDEVELOPED BRAINS. 


I WOULDN'T BE YOUNGER FOR ANYTHING.  NOT MONEY.  MAYBE HEALTH THOUGH.  IF I COULD BE IN GREAT PHYSICAL CONDITION INSTEAD OF RELIVING MY CHILDHOOD I'D PROBABLY JUST LIVE AND FORGET THE INTROSPECTION. 


SOCRATES' UNEXAMINED LIFE CAN JUST BE FUN?  MAYBE THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT.  AN UNEXAMINED LIFE MAY BE DOOMED TO CRASH AND BURN.  I DID.  I DIDN'T THINK OF THE RESULTS OF CARING FOR MY PARENTS AND FINDING OUT THE FAMILY SECRETS AND HAVING TO REJECT DENIAL AS AN EFFECTIVE COPING DEVICE UNLIKE MY SISSES. 

I DIDN'T CONSIDER THE FALLOUT.



Saturday, March 4, 2017

DOUGLAS ADAMS 2016



I CAN'T QUITE ACCEPT YET I FOUND THE DVD FIRST.  IT'S LIKE I'VE BEEN LIVING THE SYNCHRONICITY LIFE.  WHAT IF HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE BEFORE HITCHHIKER MOVIE KILLED HIM?  I WAS SO SAD HE DIED BEFORE IT CAME OUT.  IT REALLY WAS A MESS.  IT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SERIES OF FILMS.  THE TV SERIES WAS BETTER EVEN IF IT WAS CHEESY.


SPEAKING OF CHEESY, I HAD POTATO CHEESE SOUP FROM BEAR CREEK MIX DELLA MADE AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.  JUST ADD WATER.  THE SOURCE OF ALL LIFE.


AND WITH TECHNOLOGY NOW THE APPEARANCE OF LIFE IS INFINITE WITH MOTION CAPTURE AND COMPUTERS.







I'M LIKING MY LIFE SOMETIMES. 

Saturday, February 25, 2017

STILL LAZARUS


I'M BIDING MY TIME.  THE WEATHER IS WARM, SUNNY, ALL AROUND AWESOME.  MY BODY IS STILL TEACHING ME. 

I READ ABOUT THE LAZARUS EFFECT.  RISING FROM THE DEAD.  DYING TO THE PAST.  AN ARTICLE IN DAILY WORD FOR NEXT MONTH, MARCH. 

SHE JUST HAD THE FLU.

I'VE BEEN THERE YEARS AGO. 

NOW FOR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

LUCID DREAM

A WEEK OF TORTURE TO GENTLE ME TO ACCEPTANCE.  I WANT TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY.


BRIGHT LIGHTS.  I'M MIA (ME*A) FARROW (GIVE BIRTH TO PIGS) AS A CHILD HOLDING BLUE GLADIOLAS, THE ONLY THING TO DEFLECT GHOSTS.  THE BLUE=SAD, THE GLADIOLAS=GLAD.  I CAN SEE GHOSTS.  SHE'S A LATCH KEY KID LIKE ME.  POWERLESS ACTING MOM.


A BACK DOOR SOLUTION.  THE CONVOLUTED PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT WITHOUT FREAKING OUT.  I'VE BEEN SO STUBBORN(MIDDLE ENGLISH, STY BORN, PIGS AGAIN).  WHY DO THEY ASSUME PIGS ARE INTRACTABLE?  LIKE MULES.




SECOND DREAM MIKE E BATHROOM, I FLUSH FILTH DOWN TOILET.  EXORCIST.


DREAMS ARE THE REAL ENERGY SOURCE AND THIS WORLD IS THE SHADOW.  DREAMS ARE VISITS TO THE WORLD WE CAME FROM AND ARE GOING BACK TO HOPEFULLY EVOLVED.  WE DREAM TO RESOLVE AND READY FOR THE TRANSITION BACK.


DELORISE LUCAS WANTED ME TO USE MY ORDINATION.  APRIL 1, NOT A JOKE.


DROPPED THE CEREAL BOWL AND BROKE.  I DIDN'T CARE.  I SWEPT UP THE POWDERED MILK AND TOSSED THE PIECES. 


I'M OK.


AND GETTING BETTER.  EXORCISING THE GHOSTS IN MY LIFE.  THEIR DISTRACTING INFLUENCE. 

Friday, February 17, 2017

TWEEN



THIS A M I DREAMED OF MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER.  I'M RE-RAISING MYSELF AND I'M RECONNECTING WITH MYSELF IN NEW WAYS.


I'M TESTING MYSELF TO CONTINUE TO FUNCTION IN NEW WAYS. 


SO FAR, SO GOOD.  MINOR ATTENTION LAPSES.  NOTHING NEW, JUST NEW WAYS.


I THINK THE KITCHEN SINK BLOCKAGE IS DUE TO GREASE BUILDUP.  I JUST NEED TO CLEAR IT AND GET AN ESTIMATE ON A NEW GARBAGE DISPOSAL:  DISPOSALL.


THE SKYLIGHT IS DRY AS THE DESERT IN SUMMER.



Thursday, February 16, 2017

PROCESSING THE SADNESS AND DEPRESSION

MY CHILDHOOD WAS FEAR AND ANXIETY.  I LIVED ANTICIPATING DEATH.  I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE.

WHEN MT WAS GOING TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME IN '58 I WASN'T SURPRISED.  I WONDER IF IT WAS AFTER MK CHASED A AROUND THE HOUSE BEATING HER WITH A BROOM.  THE OLD STYLE HEAVY BROOM.  THE YELLING, SCREAMING, CRYING IS STILL INSIDE ME.  THE CRUELTY.  

I AVOIDED THINKING OR FEELING.  ALWAYS.  I SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY.

IN ORDER TO CREATE WHAT I WANT I HAVE TO CLEAN HOUSE.  THE HOUSE REALLY IS A REFLECTION OF THE INTERIOR. 

WOW.  THE E-MOTION.  ENERGY IN MOTION.



Friday, February 10, 2017

TYGJ



YESTERDAY THE ROOF STARTED LEAKING 10 MIN AFTER I GOT HOME.  SO I WAS ABLE TO RELAX AND REORIENT BEFORE THE ORDEAL. 


I HATE THE HOUSE FOR WHAT IT REPRESENTS.  THE DISRESPECT, HUMILIATION, DISCOUNTING, MELODRAMA.


IT'S IRRATIONAL AND NOT THE HOUSE'S FAULT. 






I PICKED UP MISS PEREGRINE DVD MLIB AND IT'S QUESTIONABLE. 







Thursday, February 9, 2017

STATS


I HAVE VIEWERS IN FRANCE, LATVIA, RUSSIA, PORTUGAL, ITALY.  HELLO!!..  THIS BLOGGING IS INCREDIBLE.  I STARTED IT BECAUSE IT MAY BE THE ONLY IMMORTALITY I HAVE.  AS LONG AS THE INTERNET EXISTS ANYWAY. 

THE NIGERIAN COMMENT WENT AWAY.

I PICKED UP AUSTRALIA.

PAKISTAN AND LITHUANIA.

UK.  BRAZIL.  INDONESIA + SPAIN.


UGH!! I CHECKED OUT THE WEBSITES AND PORN!!







Tuesday, February 7, 2017

FEELING CHILDLIKE-STORMY WEATHER


AWOKE THIS A M TO A POND IN THE KITCHEN.  FRIDAY I LEFT BUCKET IN PLACE, JUST IN CASE.  IT WAS LEAKING IN TWO NEW SPOTS DOWN FROM EDGE OF SKYLIGHT.  ALONG MOISTURE LINE.  AND A SECOND DRIP FOUR INCHES ALONG SEAM LINE. 

MUCH MORE WATER.

SCOTT FROM SKYLIGHTS HASN'T CALLED BACK.  HE MAY BE TRAPPED IN SANTA CRUZ WITH THE FLOODING. 

I CALLED SCOTT YESTERDAY TO REPORT ON SUNDAY RAIN LEAKING.  AGAIN.  LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO.  ALWAYS STARTS SUNDAY. 

THE PROBLEMS DAD HAD WITH HIS FLUORESCENT LIGHT INSTALLATION FOR YEARS CAME FROM MOISTURE IN THE SKYLIGHT INTERFERING WITH THE FUNCTIONING. 

SYMBOLIC OF THE FAMILY DYFUNCTION.  WHERE'S THE FUN IN DYS?


I NEED TO DRAG THEM ALONG.  I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND.  WHERE WOULD BE THE FUN IN THAT. 

Monday, February 6, 2017

FIND ONE LOSE ONE

FRIDAY-3 I WAS MISSING ONE HEMATITE STRETCH WHEN I GOT HOME.  TODAY I ASKED AT THE FRONT DESK AND I ACTUALLY LOST IT WED-1.  I GUESS IN ALL THE BANK AND BILL PAYING.


THIS WEEKEND HAS BEEN PHYSICALLY ROUGH.  1972 FALL AND FALLOUT.  LEFT LEG AND ARM HAVE BEEN PAINFUL.  THE HOTTUB HELPS.  AND KNOWING THE CAUSE.  OH AND I HAVE A BOIL ON MY RT BUM. 


I'M RECOMMITING TO QUITTING SMOKE AND THE FAM. 


WHAT TO PUT IN THE VACUUM??



Wednesday, February 1, 2017

NAP THERAPY-IT WORKS



IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN AND I'M FEELING HYPER.  I'M JAZZED THAT I FINALLY FOUND THE BATTERY TESTER.  I THOUGHT IT PUT IT AWAY WITH THE ELECTRICALS.  I ONLY THOUGHT IT. 


YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FIND THE COUNTY LIB BOOK BAG FOR AN HOUR.  I WENT AND LOOKED AT MY CAR MILEAGE LOG AND SAW I WENT TO THE CUP LIB AFTER THE LAUNDRY.  I WENT INTO THE HOUSE THROUGH THE GARAGE AND THERE IT WAS PATIENTLY WAITING WHERE I LEFT IT, HAVING ADMONISHED MYSELF TO REMEMBER, I FORGOT.


SO I'M ELATED.



Friday, January 27, 2017

KNOWING WHEN I'M TIRED-NOT MAKING MISTAKES


I STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED TO FEEL TIRED YET.  IT'S ONLY A QUESTION OF TIME.  I'M CHECKING IN WITH MYSELF MORE. 

HAVING  THE ABILITY BEATEN OUT OF ME MAKES IT HARD TO REPROGRAM.  THE FEAR AND PHYSICAL REACTIONS NEED TO BE DEALT WITH. 

YESTERDAY A CARKEY CAME OFF THE CLIP.  OH, WELL.  IT MIGHT STILL BE AROUND AT HOME OR IN THE CAR. 

UPDATE TUE. 31.  I FOUND IT YESTERDAY.  SUNDAY AFTER MLIB I TOTALLY CLEANED OUT THE CAR AND STILL IT ELUDED ME.  YESTERDAY A.M IT WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE PASSENGER SIDE. 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

TODDLER SLEEP PATTERNS


YESTERDAY I PULLED SOME WEEDS TO CHECK THE SATURATION.  IT'S PERFECT.

LAST NIGHT I COULDN'T FALL ASLEEP UNTIL 12.  I SLEPT TIL 6:11.  ATE CHICK SOUP, YUMM.  I'M DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO.  I ADDED POTATOES, ONIONS AND LOTS OF CELERY.  THE MEATLOAF AT SRS HAD CELERY, DELICIOUS.  I LOVE CELERY. 

CBS SUN MORN HAD NOTHING.  IT WAS SO COLD MY SINUSES FROZE.  I HAD TO KEEP COVERING MY FACE.  I NEED A SLEEP HAT OR BALACLAVA. 

I CAME TO THE LIBRARY TO PHONE PCH AND HANG OUT.  I TWICE FORGOT THE EARS TO WATCH DVDS ON THE COMPUTER.  I ATE AN APPLE, FILLED H2O, SORTED PAPER

Saturday, January 14, 2017

TERRIBLE TWOS


YESTERDAY I WENT MILPITAS.  COULDN'T FIND STAMP FOR PCH ENTRY.  STOPPED AT AGNEW PO AND LOST $5.64 STAMPS OF NEW YR ROOSTER-DAD.  BYE-BYE DAD.  BOUGHT & USED WONDERWOMAN $9.40

LAFEYETTE GOES THROUGH ALVISO TO FIRST ST. AND FREE CHICK-FIL-A.  THE CARD FROM THE LIBRARY READING PROGRAM.  I GOT TO CHOOSE GRILLED CHICKEN ON WHOLE WHEAT, TOMATO, LETTUCE.  YUM!!

CAUGHT 237 TO SAVERS 2TIGHTS $2.25 EA NEW-MICRO-DEHYDRATOR $4, GREAT MALL BBB FOLD UP WALKING CANE CHAIR$13, SC BBB 3 LEGGINGS, WHEW!!!!

I'M SLEEPING AND EATING LIKE A CHILD; ANSWERS THE DIGESTION DILEMMA.

LAST NITE I AWOKE AT 12, AND TWO -PEE.  STAYED UP WATCHING AB/FAB DVD.  I MADE OATMEAL AND ATE.  FELL ASLEEP 5-7.  STARTED GETTING READY NOT KNOWING WHAT I WANTED TO DO WEARING NEW SAVERS TIGHTS.  DID I WANT $ANC? SRS? G-2? SAVERS?

REMEMBERED I NEEDED PETROL, COSTCO.  HIGHER PRICE MLK HOLDAY MONDAY.  I WENT SRS.  WELSUN GAVE ME PBJ.

I'M FINALLY LIVING JUST ME.



Wednesday, January 11, 2017

IS IT THE FULL MOON OR?



I'M FEELING RRESTLESS.  FOR THE MOST PART OF ME I'M OK.  I FEEL A LITTLE ANXIOUS OR UNSATISFIED. 


I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE I'M GOING THROUGH A CHANGE.  I FEEL A CHANGE.