preverbal wounds are hard to heal. every disappointment feels like death. my toddler spirit calls out for love and reassurance and no one answers. i can be the adult for myself. i'm practicing taking care of toddler me. forcing myself to rest. rewarding myself. acknowledging me.
reading 'spare' reminds me i was the spare in my family. it still hurts. even a prince has it hard. explains risky behavior. life isn't precious when you're treated like nothing, the spare tire in the trunk. explains why i always need to save the day. step up step in to take care of everyone. my purpose in life is not to live for myself, i don't own my own life. so i had to take care of my dying parents. what i was born and raised to do.
desperation.
dollar tree surveyed freezer. sprouts walk through. seniors took my time. luxury. lunch both glorias, alex, toki. weird meatloaf, mash, gravy, roll, soggy veg, bruised banana. puzzled upstairs 'til walter came by with minnie hen. he has 2 chicks. spares. dicussed families. we're all so messed up. went sprouts more clearance chips and bakery special pumpkin pie $1.99. dollar tree frozen pizza, butter pecan, 4 fish sticks, 8 vienna sausages, 2 egg rolls, poster clay, relax candy. most i ever spent $21 plus. eating like a queen.
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