the week mom took dad's sleeping pills she had me drive her to 3 stores, walked around didn't buy anything. I was annoyed. driving home looking out the passenger window she asked if I knew dad's father hung himself. WHAT? no way. if at 43 no one ever talked about it how would I know. Now I know why we moved away from Hawaii to California. to hide the truth. and I realize why my suicide research beginning at 16 freaked her.
so today I told Walter about the purple car seat I've been sleeping on and 100% better. he argues he has a memory foam mattress topper and I reply yeah it's working so well you can't sleep. LOL. he has an excuse to keep his pain. I told him if he wants to keep his pain so badly he has a right I just don't want to hear his complaints. he's fighting so hard to stay in pain. his physical pain is preferable to his emotional pain. his chickens care more about his comfort than he does and if he truly cares about his chickens he has to do something. he's thinking. I think.
and now "Young Frankenstein".
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