GEORGE MACDONALD.

I'M READING PRINCESS AND GOBLIN ON GUTENBERG.ORG.

I'M ENJOYING MY SECOND CHILDHOOD.  I'M GOD'S PERFECTLY IMPERFECT CHILD IN A PERFECTLY IMPERFECT WORLD.  TYGJ.

I FORGOT TO PAY DISCOVER YESTERDAY.  I CAN AVOID DOING THAT IF I SET A NEW DUE DATE.  OR PAY ALL BILLS AS SOON AS RECEIVED.  EH.  THEN WHERE'S THE EXCITEMENT.

THAT'S WHAT CHILDREN DO.

I'M DOING MY JOB OF RAISIN THE VIBE.  I WATCHED THE CHICK-FIL-A CONSTRUCTION FROM THE GROUND UP YESTERDAY.

I'M FEELING SCARED

TODAY WENT SO WELL.  I EXERCISED EARLY WITH ONLY ART PRESENT TODAY.  GERDA WENT GAMBLING AND INGA IS OFF WITH MAURICE TRAVELING. 

I FORGOT TODAY WAS MAYOR'S STATE OF SANTA CLARA ADDRESS WITH PANERA BOX LUNCH 3, GOOD COFFEE CUPS LIDS 3, BOTTLE WATER 6.  I LIKE LISA GILMORE.  SHE TALKED ABOUT THE LITIGATION WITH THE NINERS AND PLANS FOR THE CITY.  THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING FOR LAWYERS.  SHE AVOIDED TALKING ABOUT EX MAYOR JAMIE MATHEWS WHO EXITED UNDER THREAT OF AUDIT 2016. 

I WAS INSPIRED BY THE TRANSPARENCY AND PRINTED BY MYSELF, FILLED OUT AND MAILED THE SENIOR WATER EXEMPTION.  I PAID PGE DUE TODAY.  I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK ON TRACK AND AFRAID SOMETHING LIKE MOM WILL PUNISH ME FOR HAVING IT SO GOOD.

THEN TOMAS ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WITH THE LAWN MOWER HE PROMISED.  WELL, THAT'S ONE.

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK

SOMEONE PARKED UP AGAINST THE BACK OF MY CAR.  I WAS UPSET AND TOOK PICTURES.  MY BUMPER WAS OK AFTER THEY LEFT.  DAILY WORD IS LET GO AND LET GOD SO I DID.

ART AND GERDA PICKED VEG LEFTOVER, I PICKED FISH.  I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DID THAT.  THEY DIDN'T ASK HILDA.  I HAD CHEF SALAD BECAUSE THE FISH WAS SMOTHERED IN RED BELL PEPPER SAUCE.  I WASHED IT OFF.  FISH DOESN'T DO IT.

I WENT TO SPROUTS FOR THE COUPON AND BOUGHT JERKY.  ESPECIALLY FOR DAYS SENIOR LUNCH INSUFFICIENT.  LIKE TODAY.  I WANT SOMETHING BUT WHAT.  HMM...

HOPE

I'M STILL EXPERIENCING THE FAMILY FEAR LEGACY.  AND MY NEUROPATHY IS HEALING SO MY BODY IS HURTING MORE WHICH I'M MANAGING WITH EXERCISE.

10-1:30. 3:30-6.  I FINALLY FIGURED OUT I HAVE TO BE EXHAUSTED TO BREAK DOWN MY DEFENSES.  OTHER WISE THE LOVELY WALLS OF DENIAL THAT PROTECTED MY MIND FROM INSANITY CAN'T BE BREACHED.

I DID MY SHOPPING AND ENTERED PCH CONTESTS.

DAY TERRORS

FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER MOM AND AILEEN PERSECUTED ME.  ALL THROUGH MY LIFE.  I FELT LIKE A SALTED SNAIL.

THE TORTURE HAS BEEN STORED IN MY BODY AS A PROTECTIVE TOOL THAT I NO LONGER NEED AND THE BODY MEMORIES ARE LEAVING.

I'M SO TIRED OF CLEARING THE PAST.  THE MESS HAS BEEN ARMOR I NO LONGER NEED.  AS A CHILD I HAD NO RIGHTS.  I CAN PROTECT MYSELF NOW.

IT'S HARD WAKING UP TO FEAR EVERY MORNING AND HAVING TO REASSURE MYSELF I'M SAFE.  NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE TORTURE.

TODDLER TERROR

WE NEED LOVE TO GROW.  TERRIBLE TWO'S WE BEGIN TO ACKNOWLEDGE OUR SEPARATE IDENTITY.  WE BEGIN CHOOSING WHO WE BECOME.  FIGHT OR FLIGHT ABILITY DEVELOPS AS WE BECOME MOBILE.  FRUSTRATION WITH OUR LIMITS BEGIN.  LACK OF LOVE AND THE SEARCH FOR LOVE.

TERROR IS HELD IN OUR BELLIES.  AND UNRESOLVED TERROR RETURNS AS SENIORS IN DISTENDED STOMACHS.

I'M WORKING ON THIS.

I'M STILL RESOLVING MY ANNUAL CHECKUP.  OF WHAT I'M MOST AFRAID.

i'm having infant flashbacks to aileen stabbing me with safety pins.

STOOPID AHMED

THE SAME AS PHIL STOOPID.  BELIEVING THE BULLY.  VICTIMS DON'T COMPLAIN.  THEY LEARN TO DEAL WITH BEING MISTREATED.  BULLY'S YELL AND SCREAM AND CRY.  HOW STOOPID CAN THEY BE.