Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Last four days of pain7*16*13-Tue

Sunday I started having flashbacks to my depressed childhood.  Children have no concept of death only the absence of suffering.  I curled up and rode out the emotional pain I've blocked out for so long.  The mind can only take a finite amount and then just shuts down.  The experiences all get stored in the muscles and tissues.  So I'm riding wave after wave of pain.

My life was torture.  A made my life hell.  She took out everything mom did to her out on me.  Her life was much better.  She had family to comfort her and celebrate her.  Aunts, uncles, cousins.  I've spent the majority of my life feeling sorry for her and making excuses for her when she had it soooo much better than me.

And m had the best of the family.  Well, I'm finally having a happy childhood.  People who care for me and about me.

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