Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Truly Horrible Normal Parents

I've been remembering the past and laying it to rest.  

When I was 16 and had to study for a test.   So I made dad his hot chocolate and buttered toast and had to study instead of watching tv with him and in revenge he put my 20 gal fish tank outside on the patio in the middle of December.  He punished me and my innocent fish for leaving him to eat on his own when I had to study.  

He'd rather I fail my test and in life than he be inconvenienced.  What kind of father is that?

And when he drove mom to suicide.  Well he and his dad.  She was always so afraid something would happen to dad or he'd kill himself like his father.  Because his parents were horrible does not excuse his horrible behavior and mom's condoning everything he did.

I wonder if she ever loved any of us.  She was so boy crazy and projected that on A.  Something in me was aware of projection without having a name for it.  Dad never saw us as people.  Did he even know what feelings were?  To have them and not know what they were.

What is a humane being and how do I find them?

Do they even exist?

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