After having best birthday ever, realizing the only reason they didn't give me up for adoption was he was afraid I'd have a better life than him, I'm waiting to be punished by them or worse, punishing myself simply from constantly being habituated.
Story of Robert from Goodwill, client who after a lifetime of childhood abuse, threw himself down a flight of stairs when his life was going too good. Breaking his leg and sustaining various and sundry wounds and contusions.
I'm terrified of being that creature of habit.
I've worked sooo HARD to reprogram and I'm so afraid to do the wrong thing. I'm working so hard to reinforce positive, healthy behavior I'm feeling exhausted just trying to keep up with every day maintenance.