I WOKE 11, 3 FROM NIGHTMARE OF BLOND MAN THREATENING ME WITH KNIFE FOR MY CAR IN TOWN 30 MILES FROM NEWARK. IN FACT I DEFENDED MYSELF FROM WILL WITH A KNIFE AFTER I DECIDED TO LEAVE/DIVORCE HIM. I COULD SEE IT WOULD OTHERWISE END WITH ONE OF US DEAD.
MOM THREATENED ME WITH SHEARS WHEN I WAS 16 AND I'D LONG AGO GIVEN UP HOPE FOR LIVING. I LIVED DEPRESSED MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD. IN MY 30'S AFTER I LEFT WILL I DIDN'T KNOW LIFE COULD BE OTHERWISE. I FELT DIFFERENT.
WILL, BILL, TOM ALL HAD BEEN ARRESTED. DAD PROBABLY TOO. MOM SAID WE MOVED TO MAINLAND TO ESCAPE HIS BUDDIES. I THOUGHT TO AVOID FAMILY. SHE ISOLATED ME. RICH AUNTIE KATCHAN WANTED TO ADOPT ME.
I'M FEELING SO MUCH POST TRAUMATIC STRESS FROM THE PARENTS' LAST YEARS I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO EXPERIENCE WHILE IN SURVIVAL MODE. 20 YEARS WORTH.
I WENT TO MAIN LIBRARY TO RETURN STOP SMOKING AND PICK UP FRANK. I DIDN'T FORCE MYSELF. I KEPT FALLING ASLEEP SO RELAXED. I CAME HOME 2:30. PUTTERED AROUND AND FELL ASLEEP TO CARTOONS. AFTER A 3 HOUR NAP I FELT GOOD ENOUGH TO COOK ONE ONION 3 POTATOES IN CURRY OREGANO.
I WAS TRAINED TO TORTURE MYSELF AND NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY ANYTHING. IF I DIDN'T THEY TORTURED ME.
No comments:
Post a Comment