i swam and figured out ptsd from dad and mom when i quit smoking and mom attempted suicide taking dad's sleeping pills 3 years and it's been 3 years since i quit again. the body remembers and signals danger. i'm ok. my back and neck has been popping and crackling. i've been afraid of wanting nicotine and smoking again. i can hardly breathe as is.
dad always got mean when afraid of winter lay off. no carpenter construction no paycheck. he took everything out on mom. mom did the finances. she banked her salary, we lived on dad's. she had over 600 k when she died.
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