different pain

my muscles feel used.  tired sore is different from injured sore.  I soaked, biked, stretched 4 bingo, I was tired fell asleep watching TV.  

me unbound

my muscles are finally responding.  all my exercise had no effect on frozen muscles.  I soaked for half an hour, biked and stretched.  total 2 1/2.  

lunch was OK.  Asians are ridiculous.  they want to be fed first so they flock like birds moving from table to table.  if not for Andy leaving early we wouldn't have had a seat for Toki.  she's always so late.  I don't know.  

I'm having a lot of physical emotional discomfort.  Walter seems OK.  he's had the benefit of my expertise while I've had no one.  

new me

I admit I hate my life.  I have to start here to change.  

so I exercised 2 1/2 hours.  4 is optimum for great health.  I soaked to warm up, biked intensely half hour, stretched.  I've decided puzzling is no longer worth my energy.  I started going to seniors to rehab my back and I'm better.  too much trauma drama puzzle table.  Mall no support. 

lunch OK.  we all had sandwiches.  tiny 1/4 cup arugula salad I added to r b.  I remembered to tell Walter about the Gut health book.  only 5 pages with a lot of repetition and case studies.  if he's interested he can look online.  

my right temple just above my eye is so sore.  

Seabiscuit 2003-baby hummingbird gone

I loved horses and read all the books.  kept me sanely separate from my family.  

in 2003 I had a fibroid tumor the size of a grapefruit.  my sisters accused me of lying and Mitzi decided to ambush me the day of my pre-op embarrassing me in front of my doctor accusing her too, refusing to attend the exploratory surgery.  all that turmoil I've avoided, denying my feelings, my pain humiliation.  they were constantly shaming and embarrassing me.  my entire life was HELL.  

I can admit it now I'm finally safe 74 years later.  that's when PTSD shows up.  why so many celebrities end up dead.  

4 pm I put out garbage replaced liner.  10 minutes outside I forgot to wipe off pollen and have a sinus headache.  I wonder how much eye problems are affected by sinuses.  5-7 pm Idiot Test.

next horse movie Tolkien "War of the Rohhirim".

seniors I soaked and biked (Mike's memorial)

I left the pound of dried pinto beans and found 7 magazines.  great to read on the bike.  bread cast on the water.  

I'm feeling glum.  I kept waking up.  when Eric and George died I was so sick I couldn't drive and Tom and Brian took me.  

11:30 I drove to Legion debating where to park.  Gloria showed up spotting Toki who parked next to me.  we went in together Ken and Trudy saved a table and Fred and Debi came later.  1 pm lunch catered by Gunther's restaurant on Meridian Ave was delicious BBQ like Mike enjoyed.  so many funny stories about Mike's friendliness.  2 pm I headed out to central collected my holds and puzzled 'til close at 4.  I remembered I wanted chick nuggets from $ tree 4 was all they had perfect and I picked up batteries.  home to Idiot Test at 5.  I feel supported and nurtured for the first time in my life.  

no Van Gogh puzzle

I leisurely went to prune Lucky's picked up free 64 oz fruit drink and bought one for $2.50.  then Walmart remodeling mess I paid my PGE and bought beets.  much fewer choices.  my medicare OTC card wouldn't work.  I called Felicia customer service thinking I misplaced my new card.  good through 3/27.  it's not me this time.  2 hours I looked for a new card.

I don't have to puzzle here.  Mall told a woman she could have a puzzle who chose the Van Gogh and put out trash like empty isn't better.  obvious control freak forcing their choice not on me.  

lunch good company Fred and Toki.  I shared Jodi's avocado perfectly ripe.  Walter sat with Teresa.  I left early off the hook.  

I plan on Cup due to preempted wheel jeopardy by NFL draft.  or tomorrow.

I love my game shows more than sleep.  my peeps too.  Fred and Toki are just as anxious as I am about Mike's memorial tomorrow.  

going to bed early is great

I love feeling great.  that's what living is.  enjoyment.  raising positive healthy vibrations.  

lovely cool overcast day.  I am enjoying watching my game shows.

at seniors my car was covered in sycamore pollen.  I used my brush and as quickly as I brushed it off it kept dusting my car.  home I parked it in front I may go to county to pick up movies.  I may not.  

I was so allergic I fell asleep twice watching Idiot Test.  I woke well rested.

6 pm I drove to Sunny.  Sprouts then library.  I found an interesting oddly shaped puzzle and stayed 'til 9 pm close.  

Bliss

I soaked and biked half an hour to balance the lack of bingo exercise.  new behaviors.  

I must love my friends a lot.  the food is blah the people terrific.  Gloria N came for lunch so I had company saving places.  bingo exercise was cancelled so I biked 30 minutes to balance.  

best ever trivia show 5-6 am

mom day and Walter Sr day coming up I feel sick.  my stress and upset over Eric, George and now Mike.  Saturday is Mike's celebration of life.  I think Pandora was in shock when she set the date 2 months ago.  I'm still in shock.  I've been so sick the last 25 years I haven't processed much of my pain.  I'm still crying.  

I made chick nugget and cooked some asparagus using the free sizzle drizzle.  eh, OK.  

Coleman Costco cheaper 7 am little traffic

all this time I've mistakenly chosen more stress.  I washed the asparagus soaking the bundle in water overnight.  then I removed the bands and snapped the ends.  easy.  

I toasted the Safeway garlic bread not as buttery toasted.  

I'm feeling very content.  I'm loving the Zum pine spray I bought for 50 cents at Lucky's.  it's calming.  

Cup I returned to Via Vico Easter Sunday driving even better than Superbowl

I went to big cup Safeway forgetting library closed.  I bought my 4 chips and got free water.  I expected city not county to close since Sunny is open.  gave me an opportunity to relax and ponder.  

started heating up so I stopped and showered at Fremont St gym.  still only 72 degrees but I've been on the constant move.  I checked and walked gym Safeway used found Starbucks card for ham Swiss croissant delicious.  

Sunny library I arrived 12:45 puzzled 'til 4:30 picked up 'All Creatures...' and 'Heal'.

air.now says moderate I don't agree.  Sprouts I bought pumpkin pie $4.59.  Nob hill closing 6 pm I talked to Me Me.  she's well.  3 sale Mac nuts $5.99, sale $3.99 frozen sour passion fruit chunks, frozen peas $2.48, salad mix $1.98.  perfectly delicious salad.  frozen peas defrost in salad sweet.  

I totally forgot Idiot Test watched second hour.  I'm so passion fruit relaxed I don't care.  

I feel renewed same old senior center

I soaked at seniors, drove to St just closed Holy Saturday, picked up library movies, drove to $ tree 6 frozen dinners $1 tub.  

watching Tug of Words-Sunny Seniors

aging.ca.gov for questions.  Lucky's bought 5 low salt Fritos for 2.  free sizzle drizzle and clearance 4 almond bear claws $3.

10 am oh Sunny seniors Armando @ Methodist church happening place.  Fri live 8 piece big band music.  packed with mostly Asians.  I blend right in.  real coffee cups and plates.  the food good on site cooking.  chicken cordon Bleu, real cheesy scalloped potatoes, crunchy prepped cauliflower broccoli.  I didn't want home baked whole wheat roll or 2% milk.  banana and brownie.  

Sunny library I checked puzzles, picked up Wicked, Moana 2, Sleep Therapy Music.  Sprouts I bought 3 clearance calm Gummies $31.  

home 12:30 Lingo.  everything next to my TV chair fell over and I just picked it up no biggy.  calm.  

55 degrees

I'm so glad tomorrow center is closed.  I can rest.  I looked online Sunny senior lunch open tomorrow.  

Walter is in rare form.  he's stressing over his dad's b'day 5/4 coming up.  he's annoying as all get out.  he's dumping his pain over anyone who'll listen and avoiding feeling. processing, eliminating pain.  I can't sanction this.  

woo hoo I'm researching Sunny senior lunch tomorrow then library, Sprouts, $tree.  

man gave me 2 Denny's pancakes hilde put out from last Saturday.  were frozen.  whipped butter.  

one piece of bacon filled me up

I've decided to let Monstro have the nurses station.  they haven't supported me like others.  I have the rest of the planet.  no more toxic situations.

I'm watching Whoopi on Broadway.  she's so talented.  

seniors sycamore still dropping seeds.  Mallory fixed puzzle blaming cleaners.  I related Monstro's boast of doing what she wants.  

bingo size was tough.  I'm feeling it.  

oh, tax day my Monstro b'day

I forgot.  Monstro came looking for me when I wasn't at the puzzle table.  I read magazines from 2022 from the car.  as I passed her in the hall she said bitch so I did too.  ha ha ha ha ha.  

lunch I held Toki's place.  Diane took Fred's.  then she hinted trading chairs.  I don't like being tested.  no way, I know she's not my friend.  metro sex offered her a lunch she declined but wouldn't let me have it.  Not my friend.  likes to try to pull my chain.  

so home 12:15.  Sunny has Wicked ready.  I'm playing.  I love watching people win money.  gives me hope some people are smart.  

I'm slow simmering the bacon.  12 pieces to a pound.  I used the real estate section of the newspaper, 2 sheets of parchment.  5 minutes high, 25 simmer.  so greasy in the microwave.  

I ate 5 pieces in tomato sandwich.  so good.  I didn't miss the lettuce at all.  

absolutely beautiful day

full moon from Saturday.  I put out garbage.  

54 degree perfect morning to return county movies.  lovely cool light traffic.  both machine returns broken I found the manual slot.  

senior at 6:45 perfect.  I puzzled then soaked.  lunch was good.  Toki was very late.  everyone upset to sit at round tables left over from Saturday's Easter bunny.  I have better things to concern myself.  I got extra mash and sweet carrots.  

Monstro back at puzzle table saying she does what she wants.  I already have an older sister don't want another.  home 12:45.  games I like.

life as easy as TV dinners

that's what I want.  I made 2 for b'fast.  I'm relaxing.  

I watched Hallmark Lifestyle movies comparing the families to my family.  I've never done that with my conditioning of fear of punishment precluding even thinking of criticizing.  my mom and dad chose to remain children.  children having children is the root of all evil.  not love of money.  the greedy selfishness continues and increases as the number of people increases.  more waste, pollution, hunger, pointless death.  

I recycle as much as I can.  

I paid my city water bill by phone.  I tried online for hours and it said a server problem.  new behavior.  phew! I'm exhausted.  

10 am Easter egg hunt senior center-YIPPEE!! hot spot! 1:50 pm

the old and new.  3-10 yrs old. 

I puzzled, soaked.  on to St Just lunch pick up.  Charity and Sandy not Nancy.  they asked if I wanted chips 2 extra and tiny cottage cheese pineapple.

2/6-4/12 without wifi due back 5/3.  

full day @ 9 am

free pop well prebiotic soda.  I bought lava Reese's cup and 2 clearance 50 cent spray Zum freshener.  pine scented.  then on to $ tree.  metal hair clip, 2 glucose, pool slippers, clearance parchment and wax paper, juice, 3 plastic lidded bowls.  

a full day.  I showered in my new slippery bath flips using my new metal hair clip.  and the cafeteria is full of pollen so I'm wearing a mask.  and I have no idea what I did with my tomato.  I thought it was in my lunch bag.  

found it under central movies.  

I found my chamomile lavender tea

Rainbow hummingbird has been feeding her baby pretty much non stop.  it's big.

my parents did everything for themselves.  they stayed as children like X.  like tom.  they were horrible parents they remained children NEVER growing up.  that's what I like about the animated movie UP.  adults taking care of animals and children.  not wimping out like my family.

I waited for Cody no bookmobile.  he usually reminds me.  earth day at central park.  lunch fun with Fred, Ken and Trudy, Toki, Walter.  I got extra with support vibes.  ground turkey, beans, squash.

home 12:30 I watched Lingo.  then my games.  3 pm I paid Citibank due today, deposit Merriwest Star One, dropped off Sunny movies, walked library, checked out puzzles considered Harry Potter.  on to Sprouts for clearance half peach pie and 4 cherry turnovers.  home to good eats.

I'm living for me

I considered Sunny library returns maybe tomorrow.  I tested the umbrella LED light 4 AA batteries 3 way works great and the fancy glass perfume bottle I picked up Saturday with St Just lunch.  

took me half an hour to find snack bar coupons I put in a red pack thinking I'd remember.  

bingo exercise wants to change to 2 hours once a week.  doesn't appeal to me.  my brain is definitely better with the stimulation.  the music and dancing are a huge part.  the air quality is so bad even with conditioning.  i had to ask to turn on the fans.  sometimes I wonder at the lack of thinking and feeling.  

I was locked out of voice mail.  Hunter patiently talked me through it.  I had to shut off phone 1 and talk on phone 2.  after half an hour the reboot worked.  

man entered tub reminded me of X

I started sneezing and my head stopped up.  wow, stayed congested until I showered.  

lunch a tiny seafood salad Walter got me an extra pasta meal.  and home for 1 pm kid idiot test.  

another monday

somehow background colors changed to blue.  I prefer pink or green.  the format has changed.  

Library Shepherds Purse drying out

I'm detoxing.  I've been eating herbs forgetting to drink more water and schedule more rest.  oh, silly me.  drink more water, schedule more rest.  I decided to swing by Sprouts goat cheese $2.49 I bought 2.   

I puzzled at the seniors then went to the tub.  I'm improving my relaxation skills.  then St Just lunch pick up I completely forgot the rummage sale did a quick walk through nothing.  I finally figured out to eat the meat and cheese not the bread.  

smoker's cough

all at once.  I never smoked much, just enough to balance the absence of second hand smoke.

today whew!

I paid prop tax.  I'm so tired.  the hardest job is to keep enjoying life.

I'm amazed how little people care about the only planet we have.  the planet we rely on for everything.  simple survival.  maybe mankind is suicidal.

I'm feeling exhausted.  I soaked, looked up KK re accident suit.  then picked up salad, gave John my soup and went upstairs 10 minutes to my appointment Bill gave away my time to girls standing in front of the center half hour.  good to know his lack of respect.  

I'm eating a hamburger I found yesterday under fruit veg.  2 min/3 oz patty.  12 patties=36 oz.  2 lbs 4 oz.  

and watching "Bell, Book and Candle" one of my favorite movies.  

I'm crying over my past

I haven't had the energy or inclination  to revisit 2001.  Glory brought up the pain of betrayal which logically I denied in order to function.  I don't need the illusion any more.  they're snakes I can leave behind.  I don't owe them anything.  

I called 8 am having written 9-1:30.  I'm more upset than I realize.  I'm too used to caring for others when I'm stressed I revert to times when my physical survival depended on others surviving first.  I'm better, not good yet.  nice 7 minute conversation regarding 1 or 2 topics.  They don't advise car accidents but lawyers' referrals.  so I want clarification on my family inheritance issues.  were they criminal, is embezzlement actionable?  would they have gone to jail?  for my peace of mind and heart I need to be able to resolve the actions taken and omitted.  all the vague sadness and depression have a source.

bread cast upon the waters.  I distracted myself by sharing dried Ramadan dates and encountered 16 truffles.