2 days now when i awake. the raw half yam while delicious very fiber. cooked not as much. used crisper tray from tots. loaded free vitamin water. lucky's bought yogurt using expiring rewards. 8 cost me 25 cents. confused clerk 'til i explained. he said i'm good shopper. i try to be. ate nut bar b'fast i have muffins in trunk. it's nice not forcing myself to eat.
9 pm in bed i just remembered i toasted cheese breads i'll eat tomorrow.
after watching 'father stu' a welcome relief. turned into beautiful day. woke 7:30 dressed decided to take enhanced cilantro slaw for b'fast after swim. still hungry i ate flax muffin shared one with cody. he brought copy of 'puss in boots; last wish' and i found copy of prince harry 'spare'. i'm rich with reading. prince harry uses all the senses to engage the reader.
lunch was roast beef sandwich r/t red bell pepper fried fish. glad i ate before.
watching the fauna at central park sitting upstairs library. soccer game, maintenance men covering bocce lawn with plastic sheeting and canada geese. reminds me of nene goose of hawaii. charged chrome, gamed, read book, thought about always being second.
3 pm headed home detoured to dollar tree for gold duct tape none just silver and white. thursday delivery day butter pecan ice cream, mushroom swiss burgers, tater tots. i can have what i want even if i don't know what that is.
skin is still disturbed on my left hand where i jabbed myself with bread knife cutting loaf. i'm healing quickly. my metabolism is better.
font size reduced on its own. a little... i don't know what. disconcerting. getting to know myself is fascinating. i never had the time. i'm reminded of babies discovering the outside world i'm discovering my inner world. i was always threatened and told.
8 am first time i know i need my grandma. this free floating anxiety is finally connected.
steady rain 40 minutes to arrive seniors. took hours to load free vive 2 oz boost. just wouldn't load. tried many different ways before it worked. clearance everything loaf dollar, 15 kind bars $9. I showered, relaxed. lunch was good, company excellent, little gloria so aggressively chased man out of her seat, alex and toki. sydny, beeper and another chinese man.
still raining i went to the main underground parking lot. i can air out the car. i went upstairs, put my feet up, read paper, listened to the healing music, i relaxed despite my back. ready for home i went back to safeway for frozen veg $2.11 and yam $1.88 compared with $2.49 for potato. At home i ate senior lunch chicken and cilantro cole slaw i added protein snack pack. i nuked chicken skin. so good cracklin'.
the body rested the mind spirit at peace. i have so few good memories. the mind survival mode remembers the danger and trauma to avoid future possible accidents.
i'm watching 'all passion spent' memoir by vita sackville-west movie. disc scratched up skipping in the middle. i might read the novel. she led a 'scandalous' life. her online biography is amazing. the elderly are expected to remember and resolve their lives. she's a famous sometimes infamous author besides her ties to nobility.
got gas 9:40 am 4 spaces open i drove up filled tank.
1:40 completed border of tulip-'wishing' tree puzzle. what i want. i want to feel great, strong, healthy. better than i did preparents care. i set my auto pilot with this intention. home at 2 i was hungry from tiny lunch ate veg pasta soggy like lasagna with toast. i'm eating all breads, taken me 3 weeks.
i don't care about insomnia. as long as my body gets sufficient rest i'll sleep when i need it.
dinner 2 senior side salads with toast.
i picked up free small sugar free red bull and bought fruit chews. walked stores for exercise bought spam and chips lucky's.
the only way to a new life is through the old. no wonder i'm feeling so tired. being born every day is exhausting.
lunch good tiny sloppy joe. gloria, asian man, toki, diane chose to sit with avocado linda, alex, ron came late trying to intimidate me over joanie, little gloria playing her drama games. parkinson has a bullying component.
and detoxing is a process. i just need to schedule resting as part of detoxing. i came home after charging chrome so 2 pm planned rest. ate some pork loin with the zucchini corn beans. cut baguette to taste. toasted so good. ate a lot. part of exhaustion the body wants more fuel for energy.
i like not feeling pressured to compute. i'll pick up sunny combo by tuesday expiration.
