Sunday, January 26, 2020

RESISTANCE

I PAID LIBRARY ONLINE.  WOULDN'T LET ME RENEW 'CAN'T WAIT' OTHERWISE.  I STAYED UP 'TIL 2;30 READING, LISTENING TO SECRET CD.  TOOK ME AWHILE NAVIGATING AND FIGURING OUT WHAT IT WAS ASKING FOR.

HUH, LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT EITHER.  MY LIFE WAS FIGURING OUT WHAT THE FAMILY WANTED AND NEVER GETTING FROM THEM WHAT I WANTED SO I GAVE UP WANTING ANYTHING.

AND EVERYONE I ALLOWED IN MY LIFE NEVER GAVE ME WHAT I ASKED FOR EITHER, REINFORCING MY NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT. 

WANTING AND NOT GETTING IS DEMORALIZING. 


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