watching season 5 King of Queens I'm processing stored anxiety. my sisters were campaigning for my death. they'd manipulated both parents to death and it was my turn. dad's 9/5/99 death the summer of torture. constant harassment and threats of physical violence and I was bedridden too sick to defend myself waiting to die. I'd witnessed them in action. I was too worn down taking care of the parents to fight. I couldn't care anymore. too worn down.
my stomach upset is post nasal drip my busy brain looking for cause turns to worry over bills and basic survival. I'm feeling threatened again as my feelings process. I have to wait 'til it passes 'tho feeling fight or flight.
listening to healing music helps me breathe.
I've experienced Hell I know Heaven is real.
9 am I walked $tree and 5 brown rice+quinoa all they had. on to Safeway 2 clearance relaxing gummy and clerk charged me for only one because of BOGO message on receipt. so I lost $13 on Lucky frozen rewards. WEIRD I dropped $20 change blew under car. I re-parked the car and retrieved the bill. never happened before.
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