Beloved today's daily word-HiCap 10/15 appt. 2 pm- Sunny hot spot and picked up

yesterday Lee gave me 3 less than hygienic croissants I gave to birds.  they need more than me.  

I love auto update.  and it stopped.  I ate the last corn bread b'fast at 4 am.  I'm feeling more energy than the last 25 years.  I was bone tired taking care of the parents 24/7.  I want corn dogs.  

Walter appears in a good place.  he comes for the energy.  positive energy is definitely healing.  negative energy keeps you alive but not thriving.  

feeling dizzy from bad air post nasal drip sinuses.  I must drink more water to keep from dehydration.  

Yippee!! I figured out how to turn off dark setting.  it suddenly started I don't know how or why.  

4 pm I picked up free baby carrots.  out of lb so Jesse Mgr gave 2 lb to replace.  on to Sunny library hot spot and LP book, Young Sheldon disc.  I walked Sprouts $1.99 salad for dinner.  

Costco gas

$3.9399.  arrived seniors 6:59.  time to breathe in peace.  Daily Word Let God.  lovely puzzled, soaked jet massage, more puzzle then lovely Fred, Walter, Toke.  Walter got me extra lunch.  she asked me mystery woman from last week name.  said she sat with us at lunch.  I don't know.  Toke must have talked to her.  so I asked her her name Jen.  typical dysfunctional triangulation.  'danger, Will Robinson.'  Robby the robot 'Lost in Space.'  

my left eye is twitching up change.  it's been intermittent for weeks.  so annoying.  and it stopped.  

feeling so sad and sore 8:03 am

I watched MY DEAD FRIEND ZOE about war vets.  PTSD.  made me cry.  it's so honest.  ate second St Just sandwich b'fast.  

11:30 I showered luxuriously at 24 fitness.  12:30 so much parking.  lots of time I walked Homestead Safeway saw Jane following me I commented I missed rummage she said April like she told me October yeah, right.  fool me once.  I walked store checked out Nathan's dogs puny $1.49 deli corn dog $2.49 or 5/$5 so I bought 5 and 2 chips. $6.46 tax.  and 4 minutes 'til library open.  

entered my sweeps.  so lovely and restful.  

7:30 first take off

I arrived seniors 7:59 I discovered I left chrome at home so I swiftly showered stretched and returned home.  with time I cruised Homestead Safeway clearance mini tomato bread $2.50, 5 pc garlic toast $1, chips $1, pecans $2.24.

today is Harvest Moon, Bite by Bite book signing library 11 am, lunch 3-6 Presbyterian church.  I'm practicing my social skills.  4 pm everyone I might have known gone.  I ate watermelon, caramel flan.  

I missed Baptist rummage.  too early in the year.   I was told by Jane Oct.

8:03 sept 28 feeling so sad and sore.

main library 11:52-Sunny salmon

I woke up at 7:30 and showered at 24 after 8 am good parking.  on the road by 9 to Sunny lunch line easily 60 people at 9:07 half hour standing didn't help my neck luckily Debbie remembered I signed up last week so I got in.  too many coughers no masks no courtesy.  salmon good not worth the hassle.  most appeared to like the carnival quality.  not fun to me.  I ate all gave my milk to Yanti and Herman.

I drove w/o a plan and followed easy route to LXPY to Homestead stopped St Just bag lunch for dinner.  HAH!  I had dinner for lunch.  baked salmon with homemade tartar sauce, mixed potatoes, dainty beans broccoli, fresh diced carrots not frozen, baked whole wheat dinner roll I ate entirely.  

as I was headed to the under parking Cody mobile showed up so I got to block traffic while he backed in.  HI!  

I made a new spot to charge with a footrest.  no Lee cooties.  swivel chrome shelf.  after half hour in line I have no desire to stand at the puzzle.  my hip hurts.  I'm tired.

it's the change of lunch location the energy of new people making me feel tired.  adjusting adapting making me expand.  

or do I want a fruit tart for dinner?

the vicissitudes of life 6:59 am

things just pop into my head.  

I'm riding out waves of sadness, they couldn't love me, they were animals.  animals are conditioned to react.  Pavlov.  it still hurts like hell.

I thank God I can distract myself from pain.  a valuable tool.  that's my puzzles.  

lovely soak and chat with Cody.  lunch I gave away 4 pcs corn bread as per dream from long ago.  Kenny and Trudy showed up so Toke and Fred.  Walter didn't want one and I have more at home.  

my purpose is to clear the crazy energy.  it occurred to me today my parents were mentally ill, passed it on to the sisters.  

I get to do what I want-Elizabeth's b'day-9/27 first presby 3/6 pm

 and leave the rest.  so many September babies.  

WOW OMG my neck and skull feel good for the first since 25 years.  I feel like dancing.

I carefully navigated to Cup so much parking at 12:30.  lunch time.  returned and picked up.  12:30 deciding Savers, Sunny, I shopped Safeway clearance St Pat bow tie $2.50 Haribo replaceable battery Winnie Pooh fan $7.  chips and corn bread.  glucosamine $12.50. 

sprinkling and brakes making rude noise.

crying inside

I'm processing my sadness.  I can change my chemistry by drinking lots of water, exercising, drugs or alcohol, food, work.  an infinite variety of options.  

I called Sourcewise and played phone tag.  new plans aren't available 'til 10/1 and appointments after 15th supposedly fill up fast.  I talked to Iniraja, Consuela left me message.  I'm trying to stay local Not San Jose.  parking and traffic too much.  I tried navigating their website they have problems too 10 minutes no results.  

I cleared my car window channel of leaves, 30% projected now 50% rain tomorrow.  I'm pondering county library.  my hold expires tomorrow.  

93 degree day today 80 tomorrow 50% chance rain.  

Respite

and I'm back.  I never saw the pain behind the funny of King of Queens.  I won't ever have to watch it on commercial TV again.  

the pain is all inside.  I have friends I love and love me.  love is an energy as is hate.  when the world functions on love we have paradise.  hate creates hell.  

shooters only know hate.  they never had love.  my love came from non family.  projected energy can be felt.  the predator and prey.  not the same species.  

watching King of Queens 2003 TV

I woke so angry without a clue.  the threats of murder and hate were so common from mom, an every day occurrence, I stopped noticing.  my depression came from cutting off my feelings to survive emotionally intact if crippled.  the threats on the show are acting w/o the venomous hatred directed at me.

a miracle I'm as sane as I am.  'tho my sisters who deny everything would probably disagree.  generally disagreeable.

the mass shooters 18-25 white men are already dead inside with nothing to lose.  they kill the innocent they envy.  

I fell asleep, woke 7:30 am, dressed and soaked at seniors.  still plenty of parking.  walked Sprouts just in case, picked up lunch St Just and walked library sale.  I'm getting plenty of exercise.  

TV got me through 2003 Kaiser exploratory surgery, more sisters' betrayal, disrespect and denial.  

I figured out I would click on 2025 to view all the blogs.  I walked the book sale.  

I picked up Nob ads-Bonny's b'day

I've been watching Law and Order Criminal Intent.  still so popular.  Sunny has some copies.  the majority of humans are consumed by murder.  they allow mass killings of children by hunters using war weapons.  go figure.  

at 8 am there was a lot of parking.  I got my preferred space.  I always felt anxious if I wasn't at seniors at 7 am.  

no chrome battery-FRED b'day

0%.  oh, well.  I charged my phone from chrome w/o plugging in.  

I managed to get into my account.  

I've been pondering my options.  I woke at 2 Anthem won't cover Silver Sneakers next year.  I'm researching.

I'm downsizing.  Lee left me open sun chips.  this time I used binder clip not car.  

Fred brought Stan's b'day donuts.  Bonny's b'day tomorrow.  clever Fred said a cold Jan winter 9 months later baby boom.  

already 2 dozen seniors lined up Sunny Herman & Yanti

the Sunny kids said 8-9:30 am.  I waited in my car having parked with visibility in mind.  I got out 8 and no line.  Herman and Yanti were waiting for 9 lunch open he asked if I were going home, no to exercise.  I stopped at recycle all alone 'til 10 minutes later ready to roll people came in.  

senior soak at 9 last shady parking and entered my sweeps, time for lunch.  everyone missed me.  I had figs from gym and avocados.  Jennifer gave out 1 leftover cookie/ to write off the cost to the senior lunch program.  like we're stupid.  

tomorrow Fred's b'day.  

guys finished the fantasy fairy library with no picture puzzle.  complete.  

NEW all caught up-paid cell

9:45 Sunny lunch and I got coffee for too hot and sweaty 74 degrees.  

I gamed, showered and soaked @ senior center, picked up 3 small bags of Inge bottles, drove straight to Sunny 7.4 miles less than half hour.  I drove Los padres, construction detour Forbes, Homestead, Wolf, ECR, Fair Oaks, old SF.  TA DA!  I'm old SF too.

I want to try grab and go I had to retrieve container from car.  eh, I get excited.  everyone so friendly nosy.  asked if I'm Amy because they noticed I sing along songs.  I didn't volunteer my name neither did they.  I'm learning.  Herman & Yanti(Indonesian), Louie & Ginny.  

I'm having fun on puzzle no picture.  fantasy library with fairies.  oh, my aching back.  I put my swollen legs on poof.  left ribs ouchy.  

Lee being a brat.  messed puzzle table, left materials for others to put away.  

csaa jasmine

I checked I'm on auto pay and updated mileage even less than 3k/yr.

she said I will receive update 3-5 bus days.  

bless the library air cool on 90 degrees days this week.  on Thurs maybe rain.  I forgot tomorrow Sunny lunch.  pineapple teriyaki chicken Mac salad as opposed to senior mole.  

my legs are hurting from my back.  

special hours

I stopped at $tree for chips and mirror.  only had compact/brush.  and I got 2 chips for flavor test.  

I thought I lost a key when I clipped it to chips.  too expensive chip clip.  I'm such a maroon.  

Guidance my favorite dance

lovely cool overcast.  I rescued 2 cans and blue Xfinity shopping bag from seniors parking lot.  the tub was perfect.i stopped at Sprouts, walked the store unsure about lunch due to art wine fest this weekend.  bought $6 ham cheese lunch bag.  

St Just onion bagels and garlic french bread from bakery box.  I was hungry ate both chips, sand, granola bar.  half of under library parking festival cars.  I was unduly trepidatious about parking today.  so far OK.  I puzzled then read Dame Steve Shirley interview innovative women.  

I get to do what I want when I want.  

I'm feeling blessed

I'm still attempting to get through to Walter.  he likes to argue like dad and deflect like Eric.  eh.  

I'm looking for Mexican food.  eh maybe Safeway frozen.  

I bought 4/$4 Jack in the Box tacos.  Fred gave me lunch lettuce I added 2 lunch can slice peaches and avocado.  just perfect.  

Home Depot h2o softener WOW!

I tried ordering online no go.  lunch with Gloria, Fred, Trudy Kenny, Toke.  

Walter chose to sit with complainers.  after lunch he sought me out to dump and I told him point blank I did not become a teacher because I 'm not in love with repeating over and over.  I can't keep listening to him choosing to live in the past then complaining of the results.  if you plant radishes don't complain when radishes grow.  he continues to plant problems and won't take responsibility for his life.  I deserve happiness not frustration.  I watched dad and Eric I won't do it again I deserve better.  I'm saving myself.  uncomfortable and necessary.

72 degrees I went to Home Depot 2 pm customer service manager asked if I needed help I told him I wanted 3 Rheem cleaners and a 40 lb bag of potassium salt delivered.  long line of returns he had next cashier write me up in and out 10 minutes and same day delivery by 4 pm.  WOW!

started Stamp puzzle

put away "Bon appetite".  back to school/work.  

new behaviors Sunnyvale

auto update.  I showered at 24 and used the internet for my blog and sweeps.  lovely.  it's humid with 30% rain forecast.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.  I decided one step at a time.  

when I think of people crossing the oceans and settling unknown lands I'm amazed.  I bring my pillow and relax in my anonymity.  senior center is so nosy.  listening to Frank Sinatra is even pleasant.  as a function of my autism I can't tolerate liars and cheats unless they're family.  

I walked Target for 18" wiper blades.  22 the smallest and not adjustable.  so Costco or auto store.  

I love all this time to revel.  

I looked online.  50 % chance rain tomorrow I went to Goodyear sent me to O'Reilly $10 installed 5 minutes.  

let's see if it works

sans hot spot.  it worked today.  I opened it w/o publishing.  I took my time getting to seniors.  I finished "bon appetite" puzzle and showered and soaked an hour.  lunch with Fred, Toke, Walter ok.  closed tomorrow I have Sunny.  

I decided to pick up Cup today.  open tomorrow I intuited, Big Apple event tomorrow flashing signs warn of traffic delays tomorrow.  better safe.  so beautiful high ceilings clouds fluffy.  20% chance rain tomorrow and Wednesday.  

survived another death day-return hot spot

without incident.  the way I like.  I'm still watching "Wings".  I guess most people have calm simple lives.  I can't fathom that.  

I decided at noon to return hot spot.  Sunny has 61 to city 37.  some of which aren't active.  some are years overdue some months.  arrived half hour early #1 parking in sun.  only supposed to rise to 81 degrees.  

how excellent.  

I love following Spirit

no stress.  I woke and ate crust less sandwich with a slice of tomato.  ready for the day I watched Wings TV trying to figure out its popularity.  I don't get it.  

8 am I remembered I needed gasoline.  I checked the prices and dressed.  the tanker was there.  it frequently is.  I drove in drove out on to 24.  I showered lovely cool overcast from wildfire pollution.  

I mailed my life insurance and picked up St Just.  saw Gloria said hi.  new puzzle of cats interesting oddly shaped 500 piece finished 3 pm.  people love dumping their kids. 

"finding your roots"

caught my eye at the library.  made me realize I wasn't a person to my family.  I was their property.  so no respect or consideration.  and they still treat me like a thing not a feeling person.  

Walter is a person with a toothache ignoring the pain hoping it goes away.  he doesn't like dealing with it.  it doesn't go away on its own.  it demands attention. 

9:30 4th to last lunch.  wow, meatloaf must be popular.  the music is from the 1930s and 40s.  classic universal language.  50s and 60s is more the age group.  a lot of Asians have their kids taking care of them.  

had a lovely cool shower at 24.  I considered visiting Food Max, later.  I could go to St Just.  

10:35 half the room cleared.  beef meatloaf generous portion.

I left for Sprouts but nothing.  took Wolfe to ECR to Flora to Kiely.  St Just 11:30.  4 very ripe bananas good dessert.  finished puzzle 2:30.

5:30 pm I'm feeling unreasonably angry today dad's death day.  OK I'm angry Mitzi crying to me she killed him when I told her to leave him be.  such a family of hypocrites.  so I'm movin' and groovin' like mom.  the only time she cleaned when she got mad.  

I gave Walter a stern talking to

he keeps doing the same living in the past referring to long ago as if it happened lately.  stuck.  he misses the center and refuses to try the mission library.  he thinks I don't like him.  I told him again I know he deserves better.  he doesn't believe it.  

I like the freedom.  I woke 8 am and I like it.  I showered, withdrew Chase teller, deposit Merriwest, shopped Sprouts 2 goat cheese 2/$5, 3 CBD drinks $3 ea.  

lovely lunch Fred and Walter.  library and home.

how nice

1:12 pm I finished the Lego puzzle.  the boys failed yesterday.  and the desk librarian is putting it away and setting out a new one.  

I showered at 24 and went to Walmart and paid PGE bought some chips $1.50 taste test low salt crispy.  then I walked Prune Lucky's picked up senior lunch and St Just.  new me.  Fred had 2 heirloom cantaloupes I gave one to Bonny/Judy.  smelled ripe just fell off the vine this morning.  I asked if green or orange.  I can eat green.  I thought of Toke too late.  

movies that made 2001 livable

I'm processing 26 years of pain.  as it leaves my body I feel lighter.  I've been sleeping and waking as I did the last month of dad's life.  I took on his pain.  this last week is intense.  feeling it doesn't get easier only more understandable.  

comfortably uncomfortable

I watched Rob Schneider 'The Chosen One' six times before my denial allowed me to see the alcohol suicide connection.  I found the movie by accident.  the 2010 film doesn't fit any category with its global warming warning.  and here we are 2025 burning up the planet, still setting off massive fireworks, ignoring Putin's genocide in Ukraine polluting and further killing the planet.  Hitler killed what he couldn't control too.