fire crew came 8 am about a dozen. 2 hours front yard 2/3 back yard cleared. i feel guilty, weak, a loser. i can't take care of it myself. well, calling for help is taking care of it. i don't feel it. i still feel terrible. i need a contractor or gardener or help. i've never been in this situation before. i guess that's when people say aging sucks. loss of independence. we were created to depend on each other. be fruitful and multiply and inhabit the earth. i know it's an opportunity for others to be of service but......
i still feel terrible.
took all day to feel better about getting help. my family built an immense mountain of negativity to isolate the family. insane form of protection. if we had stayed in islands i'd have had a normal life. reverse racism. not this tainted existence i've endured.
7:45 pm called fire station 888 agnews 95054 talked to ryan about honorarium i can write note thank you. i have to drag med ladder under awning tomorrow since tall ladder gone.
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