dad woke us@ 5 for b'fast at 6. they'd leave for work at 7 we got ourselves off to school at 8. i'd make my lunch from whatever was available while the sisters got lunch money. just how it was. i taught myself to plan ahead or go hungry. i learned i couldn't depend on my family for anything. not food or clothes or friendship or support of any kind. yet they expected it of me.
mom always saying life not fair. my parents chose to make my life unfair. so their lives were simple karma. mom frequently lamented she could never have nice things and then did nothing to have nice things. they taught me to look and do good for others and good comes back to me. they labeled it undeserved luck not simple physics.
most of my depression comes from the sadness of their lives the unfulfilled promise of what could have been. how much they refused to see. how my life could have been unlimited.
i still can. let's be open to infinity. i am open to infinity and beyond.
seniors i soaked hour half. puzzled had lunch everyone late. saw joanie in locker room not having lunch because of dance rush. ron showed up late had car trouble all week. puzzled 'til 3 remembered to look for ice scraper. i can picture it i've had it for at least 40 years. 5 pm i remembered to cook defrosted chicken delicious.
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