reminds me when i started back into life from being bed ridden for 8 years. i wrecked my back carrying mom and dad. it almost killed me. they killed my old life.
once a week sunday i struggled to walk .2 mile to the store for a newspaper. i frequently doubted i'd survive. i figured it was better than lying in bed. that was 20 years ago and here i am again. another level up on the spiral of life. my sisters were torturing me with lies and threats of eviction and physical violence. i cut them out of my life like the cancers they are. some people don't get cancer they give cancer. eric's mom was toxic. that's why some families get it. it's not hereditary it's toxic proximity. that's why some don't develop it. they stay away. they divorce themselves from the toxic ones.
i'm remembering. gathering bits of myself. despite the wrecked car or because of it. i wasn't able to drive then. i had friends drive me for groceries and to the doctor. i couldn't sit in a chair or upright in a car. i could barely walk my back was so unstable.
bette davis such a brilliant actress. paul henreid, claude rains. a welcome diversion. a great movie.
i defrosted pollock and simmered with diced roasted tomatoes for fish stew. heated cooked rice. so good. i decided not to save it for later. i'm eating it now.
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