Sunday, July 25, 2021

sweet

i'm practicing listening.  i considered laundry, 24 exercise and came to seniors for chrome.  i could still wash i have forever.  i walked stretched picked up 2 bottles 1 can.  crossed parking stood between driveways mustang man asked about center.  maybe he was an angel maybe me i was at appointed place and time.

i got camp chair from trunk and back pillow for front door wooden bench.  burger king would be perfect.  i did.  .6 mi there .8 back to seniors.  new behavior.  old me would have felt obliged to go home.  i would have felt too guilty of being happy.  they beat into me i didn't deserve to be happy.  and so i learned to beat myself.

when i worked at Goodwill Robert a client at the Oakland factory/training center propositioned me at 6 am before a managers meeting.  i was incensed and sought out a lead who told me he was a trainee.  next month meeting he was wrapped in bandages limping with a crutch.  i asked the lead and she said he threw himself down a flight of stairs explaining he did that whenever things became too comfortable.  taught me about conditioning.  all my relationships were a repeat of my family.  betrayal and pain.

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