woke me 4;30. i'm watching flashes and counting distance. it's raining 5;14. and stopped.
woke me to remember ex and nit did exactly same behavior when they killed my parakeets at 16 and 21. so weird i picked ex unconsciously for exactly same behavior. i guess i never forgave her. i thought i did. i certainly forgot it. i wonder if i've ever loved or just attracted and attached to the familiar. it totally explains destructive dysfunctional relationships. harville hendrix so right.
consciously i create heaven. i deserve love and respect. love is not enough. love can be dysfunctional. i've lived through and survived. i don'r want or need it. i want and deserve love and respect. i am best me i deserve best love and support to flourish.
george and tom youngest nit. ex glen oldest alien. i deserve middle perfectly imperfect ecstatically blissfully happy life.
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like living in a sauna. i feel like God is sweating all toxins out of my body. i'm so relaxed. i know ir's sunday but it feels timeless. i'm drinking gallons of water.
this weird weather so hot. the planet has a fever.
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baby tom called. i'm feeling angry abandoned unsupported. he never had my back with my sisters. he took me to my operation and arranged i stayed with della his sister. he took me to emergency. bought me supplies food. he's had things stored in garage all this time. i had decided if he called before clean up i'd tell him if he wanted to get rid of things or next year. it's something for him to do friday.
i don't know i turn it over to God.
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