Saturday, December 10, 2022

been up since 2

i'm binge watching second season 'kim's convenience'.  i'm struggling to finish eating brown rice with almonds i cooked in curry orange zest pulp with chicken.  curry seems to be giving stomach cramps causing spasms.  feels like broken glass.  like 2001 when everything i ate hurt and i lived on vicodin.  delicious healthy minimalist recipe.  brown rice full of husks i keep finding and spitting out.  

i don't know if i want to do anything go anywhere or baby myself.  lord knows no one ever did.  st just pantry or thrift store, main relax, sunnyvale book sale.  actually i want someone anyone else to do it for me like dad abdicated being present unless he wanted something.

pain worsening to vicodin levels.  liquid willow from sprouts 1 p flower 2 kava grapefruit candy and juice helping ease spasms.  no more solid food for awhile.  just grapefruit candy.

3 pm spasms better i'm so hungry made soup if i cook long enough i hope will digest.  got mail card from cathy letter st just.   

i just realized the cramps are an extension of my raw onion allergy.  if i ate raw onions this is exactly how my body reacts.  i don't so i never put it together before. 

my stomach feels like i've been kicked in the gut.  i can barely breathe.

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