Wednesday, September 16, 2020

sexy dream

men use sex and seduction to subdue.  must be part of the herd instinct.  lion group=pride.  females do all the work.

i'm feeling wrung out.  time for another revelation.  everything feels so heavy and a massive effort.  i use distractions to avoid reality.  movies and books are distractions from living, in engaging with life.  no, they stimulate me too.

i'm watching zathura special features kristen stewart set off internal alarm bells.  she's young strong skinny healthy.  no wonder my family hated me.  i was what they wanted to be.  i can feel those waves of hate and resentment coming at me.  flashback.

my pelvis is screaming.  oh, my back and hips.  i stretched and feel better.

it sprinkled. i water bottle sprayed the car windows.  i left the window opened so i got outside just in time.  i picked up senior lunch 9;48 #3 and tamale pie i could eat every day.  computer unresponsive for 2 hours i felt totally alone and cut off like my childhood.  scary.  even with her niece living with her toki must feel lonely too.  i had medium signal.  it's not a good mystery.


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