Thursday, December 15, 2011

Life feels too good fallacy rejected

I'm quivering inside.  I guess I am courageous.  I'm terrified inside and deep breathing and moving forward.  I've printed the schedules for the libraries so I have somewhere to go if I want to go out.  The sr. ctr will be closed xmas and new year week.  They call it a furlough.  No $ with prop J. 

I'm learning how to take care of me.  I've taken care of others all my life.  To take care of me feels so foreign. 

Having lunch here feels like such a huge step.  And wearing my belt.  Just wearing a back brace feels like cheating or wrong somehow to get what I need.  And taking my meds.  And sleeping.  I've sacrificed so much for others I almost can't tolerate the feeling of being cared for and waited on.  I've been the servant for so long.  I've suffered for so long. 

Next week monday the group is to finalize holiday mtg at Valley Village.  Another new thing.  They complained about missing mtgs so I suggested mtg at McD's or KFC like the srs do for coffee.  Bill Costley suggested the parlours at VV.  So we'll see.  I'm going to keep the time holy.

Have to get to SV lib to return dvds so I want to finish watching first. I love me lots.


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