I don't like feeling fear. The only way to get rid of it or lessen it is to face it. I can do it head on or on a tangent. I can face the perpetrator or someone reminding me of the perp. I choose the easy way.
I've been criticized my entire regular life for doing the easy bits first. Why not?? I can run around hitting myself in the head with a hammer, encouraged by my family, or I can use my uncommon sense and be gentle with myself. Doing the easy bits first creates a rhythm to build on. My family made no attempt to do anything difficult and I married the same wimpy weak type. Abbe labeled me thusly. I know to run away fast now and don't look back.
My facilitators in group insist on calling me courageous and I have a difficult time accepting that label. I've resisted the false labels given me by my family for so long the habit of rejecting labels is deeply ingrained. That bit of info has taken me a month to excavate from the depths of my soul. My heart has been buried so deep for my 60 yrs that the light of day stings.
Snap out of it now has specific exercises to do and I'm doing them as much, as often, as I can remember. And it's working. Scaring the hell out of me. Literally. My body is so sore. I feel my muscles, fascia, organs sore from the figurative and literal beatings of my life.
Abuse is stored by the body and surfaces when the body feels safe. There is nothing wrong. It only feels wrong. I'm still dealing with feelings and emotions. Emotions seem to store feelings in the body until it's safe to deal with them. What are you feeling?
After the best Thxgvng ever my body has been detoxing the past. Tuesday I crashed. Woke up 3am took my meds and slept until 5 pm. Tell me I'm not depressed. I have good reason to be and I know everyone has good reasons. They may not know consciously but their bodies remember.
I'm still mourning mom's death.