yesterdays shootings in san jose. and i could hear the choppers. last year gilroy. and i pray.
i have to fill gas. and take care of bills, business. a child has all that taken care of in return for enslavement. at least i did. i loved the lack of abuse. some lacks are good. lack of disease.
i've never had a childhood. i think a lot of dementia is the body trying to regain childhood.
i parked next to seniors on street even better than across. huh. parking was taken when i got here and the view is better and shade is expanding. i emptied garbage. i finally remembered. i don't know where i've been. i stretched today, i skipped yesterday. i skipped games too.
book mobile showed up and cody remembers me. i checked out 8 movies and picked up white w/purple book bag. score!
picked up lunch wanted to dump tray after i ate but i brought home recycle to wash. i couldn't not recycle. makes me wonder how other people do it. may be autism. another reason we're the world's best shot at continued existence. we solve problems because we are tenacious. it's a part of our dna.
came home 2:30 puttered and rested. 4:45 jason beal fire man called to clear weeds. will check out yard tomorrow 8 am after his 24 hr shift. doesn't seem safe. the idea of help gave me a stomach ache. i might be disappointed betrayed once again. i want to reciprocate. i feel like i should. i must pay for everything. so i have stomach ache.
tossed and turned upset. fear and shame embedded in my cells conditioned from a lifetime of abuse.
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