Tuesday, May 4, 2021

today i have tv guide

i want to watch 'young rock'.  and i discovered i can go back emails to list from specific.  and now as i delete old mail it's going odd.  i started with 100.  

i wanted to look at taxes.  i have all the numbers together i just need the fed tax table.  i'm thinking of putting it towards next years taxes.  when i feel stronger i'll do it.  i asked tom for help like he did when i was sick.  i should have told him to hire someone like he told me instead of doing his taxes for years and teaching him how.  

i'm blessed i have tv.  i'm so alone.  my sisters hate me as my mom taught them.  they hate me like they hated her.  i'm just a substitute.   all my major relationships have been with people who used me up then dumped me.  i don't know how to have a healthy happy relationship.  i've always wanted good people in my life.  my ex wanted stuff.  my family wanted money-stuff.  

i want happiness.  they all stole from me and i was told don't feel like that.  and when i was beaten i was forced to stop crying or be beaten more.  i was burned with incense.  my sisters blamed me for their mistakes and i was punished.  i learned to numb my feelings.  they learned to avoid punishment.  

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